A HEART AT HOME

2011-12-23T06:59:00.000-08:00

I hope all of my blogger friends out there have not forgotten about me. And I have not forgotten you. It has been a tough year and my desire to write has either died or gone into hiding. Sometimes the rough weather causes things to go dormant. Just as a tree looks lifeless in the winter, there is always life within its sap. And I hope that is all that is going on with me. With the loss of my mother a year ago, our son's diagnosis, and other family trials, there have been so many days where I have felt like I am just trying to survive. However, there have been blessed moments of children's smiles and giggles, hugs from precious family and friends, and encouraging words from those around me. My heart is reflecting on this season and the joy of Christ's birth from the throne of glory to a needy and dark world. And as I marvel of this truth that never grows trite, I think of how life is all about holding on and letting go. Here is a perspective from Mary's heart. And I believe it is the heartfelt thread shared by every mother. Merry Christmas!

Holding On, Letting Go

Contently she smiled as she bundled Him up,

Cradling while kissing his face,

Tenderly she whispered the name of her Lord,

As she soothed this bundle of grace.

"Jesus, Jesus." she murmured.

Her heart oozing intense adoration,

Tears of emotion dripped from her face,

As she soaked in intricacies of divine creation.

Like any newborn baby,

No hint of Shikinah glory to see,

Ten fingers and toes; soft downy hair,

"Lord , how could all of this be?"

She held in her arms the Hope of the Nations,

Anointed Savior of All,

Wonder of wonders humbly born,

In a filthy cold cattle stall.

She pressed the babe tightly against flowing affections,

Breathing in the scent of pure Love.

"Help me Lord, to be his mother,

To keep watch over Heaven's Dove."

Holding on as she swaddled Him,

Knowing what words cannot express.

The time of letting go would come soon enough,

"Will I pass this painful test?"

But for now she would simply cherish,

The Father's first gift of His heart.

Peace and stillness flooded her soul,

Realizing they'd never really be apart.

Holding on, yet letting go,

For now she would simply treasure,

The fullness of the ALL in ALL,

Which separation could never measure.

Gazing into the eyes like a dove's,

An ocean of Heaven within,

Savoring the moment in her heart,

As she pressed God against her again.

Love and Blessings,

Ange

TWINKLE ON YOU LITTLE STAR, A Mother's Thoughts

2011-05-07T09:07:00.000-07:00

It is 9 a.m. and Timothy is already outside. I am gazing out the window observing as he happily plays with the stream of water leaking from the garden hose. His mouth is moving so he is probably singing his favorite song, "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". And his sweet face is gleaming with that shimmering smile of his. It is that kind of grin that lights up his entire face and beams from his bright blue eyes. His countenance is one that melts the heart. And this morning I am reflecting, remembering and realizing. I am seeing beyond what is visible. Something very special is being revealed and the revelation that there is more going on here than meets the limited human mind and reaches toward the depths of the eternal heart.

Six months ago, our precious 4 year old was diagnosed with moderate to mildly severe autism along with severe developmental delays. What we already suspected and feared was true. At the age of 3, Timothy mysteriously began to show signs of regression in his speech and overall development. We don't know why. We don't know how. But we do know that it is what it is, Autism. I had to go through my own time of grief. It has been a perplexing and painful season. And I wrestled with feelings of shame and guilt concerning my grief over the thoughts that my child was not "normal". People would say,"Well at least he does not have cancer." Or, "How do you know for sure and how did the doctors come up with that diagnosis?" Well meaning friends minimized my pain with their words, questions, and doubts. I really did not expect everyone to understand. However, I am very blessed and grateful for those family and friends who simply reached out with compassion and support. It was an indescribable pain knowing that things were going to be very different for Timothy and for our family. The dreams I had for my child were dead. I had to grieve, to mourn , and to process the shocking truth.

Then it was time to get busy and move forward by researching, learning, making calls and talking to experts and other parents of children with autism as well as finding speech and occupational therapy for Timothy. Talk about overwhelming! I thought," How in the world am I supposed to balance this with the responsibility of all the other children I am a mother to? And what is going to happen to Timothy? What about his future?" I felt like I was drowning.

Each day since the diagnosis, I have had to give it to God and I say, "Lord, I don't know how we are supposed to do this, but I trust that You know what to do and not do. So, I give it to You. I give you little Timmy. I give you this family. I release my fear of the unknown and choose to trust You with it all." Has the fear completely left? No. I face it every day. You see, I often feel fear but I do not let it have me. For it is in the face of fear where I am trained to be courageous. I am learning that it is not fear itself that consumes me for fear will come. But it is how I respond when it threatens to consume me and control me.

And many days I feel so inadequate, lost and unfit as a mother. Once again, I take it to my room and I pray again to God. Basically, I am simply living on a prayer. And to be perfectly blunt, I am learning that living on a prayer is the best and most productive way to live.

Yesterday, I took Timothy to a make up session with his occupational therapist. He normally goes every Monday. However, there was a special blessing awaiting. When we arrived, Michelle greeted Timothy as she always does. "Hi Timmy! We are going to play in the barn today!" Timmy's face lit up because he loves the barn as it is a large room set up with a small trampoline, bowling, large mats for rolling and jumping, and other fun activities designed for sensory and physical development. The atmosphere of the barn was different this day because there were more children present. I noticed a little boy in a wheelchair who was being assisted by his therapist with strengthening exercises for his upper body. He was watching every move Timothy made as he energetically ran around exploring everything in sight. When Michelle placed him on his tummy on the large platform swing, Timothy began to bellow out his favorite song "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star". He sang it in his own little language but he had the melody down pat. The child in the wheelchair began to giggle with delight. His therapist said, "I have never seen him like this. He usually cries when other kids are in the room." Then, the two therapists began to discuss the possibility of changing the sessions so the two boys could be together because of the "positive energy" (as the therapist called it) Timothy exuded.

Here is this little guy named Timothy. He does not have many words. He whispers most of the time when he does speak.Yet, through a simple song, a happy countenance and a brilliant smile he touched a little boy's life. And he touches mine everyday. It may not seem like a big deal to most. However, when you live with autism, every moment matters. Every milestone is significant. You know, I am the one who is truly blessed. I am changing for the better because God has given me the privilege to be the mom to 11 very precious children. However, there is something about Timothy that is leading me in a new and profound way. I am learning to slow down and to savor simple accomplishments. I am seeing that a person can be deeply touched not so much through words but through a smile and a joyful countenance. And my vision is enlarged because the purity of an innocent child can make a significant impact on the lives around him. Also, I am considering that maybe the things we label as abnormal are not so abnormal after all. I find myself, like Timmy, singing and just enjoying small moments. Just as this quote says, "We can sing our cares away easier than we can reason them away."

Timothy, you will go far in life. God has amazing and unfathomable things in mind for you. I am seeing it more and more. It will not be what I imagined , it will be much better! So I sing to you Timmy, our little shining star. I pray that your light will never fade and that your life will lead many travelers who are lost in the dark toward the true light!

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!

When the blazing sun is gone,
When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!

Then the traveler in the dark
Thanks you for your tiny spark;
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!"

(Written by Jane Taylor 1806)

Just Enjoy!

2011-04-15T17:37:00.000-07:00

The Lord is teaching me more and more each day about His rest. We have had our share of hardship and trials over the past few months. My mother died very suddenly this past December. Just two weeks before her death, our 4 year old son was diagnosed with autism. And just a couple weeks ago, I took one of the girls to the doctor for pink eye only to discover she has a heart murmur. She was referred to a pediatric cardiologist and some abnormalities showed up on her EKG. Now we wait for the next appointment for more testing. Waiting is just plain difficult. It is excruciating at times. It seems like torment. However, it is within the waiting room of hardship and adversity that our faithful Lord teaches us about true rest and leaning upon Him.
I am finding that even though some days I do not handle stress very well, my Father truly understands my weakness. He does not get frustrated or angry with me. He just wants me to lean on Him. Simple as that.
And He keeps His arms around me even though I sometimes get frustrated with Him because I cannot feel His embrace. Faith is more than what I am feeling. Faith is assurance. Faith is knowing He is holding me regardless of what my mind or emotions say .
He just wants me to live each day enjoying the simple things in life. For the simple things are truly what brings pleasure and delight to the soul. Through trials we learn to appreciate the seemingly insignificant moments and pleasures. The insignificant becomes very significant.
There are lovely reminders God has graciously given us to capture each day if we will just stop and take notice. When I soak in His beauty, I find healing and peace.

In His grace, I can truly enjoy all the beauty around me, even within the seasons of the unknown.
There is comfort surrounding me. There is sunshine in my darkness.
There are smiles within the midst of my tears. Because of who He is, I can enjoy my life. I can have abundant life. My eternity is not only held within the future but I am living it in the now.

May you always discover hope in the midst of your fears. May you enjoy each day as you lean upon the Hope of Glory.

Love to my friends,

Ange

Genuine Friendships Within the Storm of Grief

2011-01-24T16:30:00.000-08:00

"In a culture that does not like to acknowledge loss or talk about the impact, it's difficult to grieve. And when we add this silence to the fact that most of us have never been taught about the process and normalcy of grief, no wonder we struggle."~~ H. Norman Wright

As the days slowly pass since Momma died, I am seeing the blessing of strong relationships and true friendship. God has placed people in my life who are truly safe places. Even though my Daddy is hurting tremendously, he continues to encourage me that mourning, which is an outward expression of grief, is very normal. He is a very safe person in my life and I admire his strength in the midst of His own anguish. In addition, I feel such an overwhelming sense of gratitude of the amazing friends God has placed around me in this difficult and trying season of my life. I never want to let them go.

Yesterday,Daddy sent photos of Momma's gravestone. When I awoke I turned on my computer to check my email.The photo above is what I saw. I stared at it for the longest moment. My mother, who was so vibrant and full of life...and here is a granite stone with her beautiful name engraved upon it. It just seemed completely unreal all over again. And the thrashing waves of grief threatened to overtake me as the tears flowed through out the day. However, they were much needed as I have withheld a seemingly internal waterfall for the "sake of the children." But I know this is needed. I know this is good. And I know it is normal.

My heart is swollen with immense gratitude for the precious people in my life who have allowed me to express my pain. These precious souls have not tried to heal me, nor have they attempted to advise me on how to heal. These few friends have simply entered into my wound, sat with me as I have bled, and told me they are there. How simply powerful is this? How loving and gracious?

I have been reading a book written by a mother of an autistic child entitled, "Let Me Hear Your Voice", by Catherine Maurice. She expresses her need for just simple understanding after the loss of a stillborn baby as well as processing the news of her young daughter's diagnoses of autism. This is what she says.

"None of us, especially myself, wants to jump into another's pain. If we can't fix something in our friend's life, we feel helpless. If we can't make it go away, we want to pretend it is not there. We don't know what to say. We are at a loss for words.Our lives have their own aches and sorrows. If we see poverty, we try at least to help by giving some money away,even though we know our money does not go very far. But if we see heartbreak, most of us are less effective; we try to talk the person out of it. Often we have to learn that there is no solution for suffering. Everyone has some of it sooner or later. What helps is to have one or two people around who keep trying to understand, who are just willing to just hold our hand as we walk on through it."

As I pondered these words, I realized that God has blessed me with very strong people who have truly partaken of my pain. They have not tried to "fix" things, they just sat with me, loved me, and comforted me. I just want to express my appreciation because you all have been a true example of Christ in my life. God simply wants to enter into our pain, for He genuinely experiences it and deeply feels it. He never minimizes our trials because our sufferings are as personal to Him as they are to us. When my child is hurt, I hurt too if not more. I am reminded of the passionate and intimate love of our Father who longs to enter into our hardships and embrace us right in the middle of that messy place. Grief is not tidy. Grief cannot easily be defined. But it is an appointed part of life that every soul shall experience. No two shall experience it the same. But we all shall feel it's sting. So in the midst of mourning, God will envelope us in His love, in His understanding, and knit the body of Christ into the beautiful masterpiece He has called us to be.

Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let's not let it slip through our fingers. We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help. Hebrews 4:15 The Message

Love to you all, my precious and loving friends,

Ange

A Lovely Life

2011-01-11T15:37:00.000-08:00

One month ago today, I received a phone call from my Dad that my mother was not doing very well. By the sound of Daddy's voice, I knew it was very serious. She had been rushed to the hospital by ambulance and her heart rate dropped dangerously low. For one day, a life support system kept her alive but her soul was already gone. Her heart stopped beating for good on December the 12,2010. It has been one month and I still cannot believe she is gone. Her death was so sudden and shocking. Some days I wonder if I have moved on from the shock. It all still seems so unreal. I wake up in the morning and for one second all seems normal. Then the reality hits me all over again. My mother is in Heaven now. I will not hear her voice over the phone. I will not see her pretty face or chat with her on Face book. Sometimes I think of her at home working in the yard, reading a good book, working a puzzle, cooking yummy food, or just sitting with my Daddy having a pleasant conversation. I often think of the joy she brought to others. She made people feel special when they were in her presence. She was a happy woman and she made people smile. She did many kind things for others but she never announced her good deeds. Momma was also very precise and organized. She wrote lists of everything she needed to do and she completed them all. I always told her she could be the CEO of a major corporation because she was so organized and disciplined. She would have made a wonderful leader and boss because not only did she know how to "get the job" done but she had fun doing it! She was a leader because she led me. And I pray that I will be able to carry on her legacy.

My mother had a heart of gold and she always found ways to encourage others. I will never forget the wise words she gave me when I was in the 6th grade. I was a new student in middle school. Some of the kids were very unkind and I would come home from school crying everyday. She would put her arms around me and tell me not to worry. She said, "All you need to do is find some children like you who feel left out. Make friends with them and do not worry about the ones that are being mean." I took her advice to heart and it worked.

Momma was also a very beautiful woman. When I was a little girl, I loved to watch her do her hair. I remember she had a beehive hairstyle back in the day, and she would tease it up until it stood about 8 inches above her head. I would admire her beauty. To me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She was not perfect, but she was herself and she loved me. That made her the most beautiful woman in my eyes.

In John 10:10, Jesus said He came to give us life so that we can have it more abundantly. My mother lived an abundant life. She knew how to enjoy life but the abundant life is much more. Her life was overflowing with the fruits of the spirit which are pleasing to God. She lived knowing she was loved, therefore she granted love. Momma was full of joy,exuded a peaceful countenance, was graced with patience, showered others with kindness, exemplified goodness, remained faithful, and maintained a gentle manner as well as self control. Many benefited from her beautiful qualities. I know I have!

Even though I have all of the memories of the person she was, I now love to ponder the person she continues to be in the presence of her Maker. Her life here on earth was lovely and her life in Glory is even lovelier. This woman's name is Linda and her name means "pretty". What a fitting name for such a wonderful woman who loved God, loved her family and loved her friends. I miss her so much. My heart aches with longing to see her again. And because the Hope of Glory lives in my heart, I know that I will be with her again to hear her voice and to see her smile. Momma, I know you are serving the Lord and resting in His care. I bet you are completing everything on your list and assisting God in preparing a magnificent place for us when we finally meet again. I love you my lovely mother!

Little Red Wagon

2010-10-12T14:10:00.000-07:00

"Many times life is like riding alone in a little red wagon on a crazy freeway, until you look up and see that Someone was pulling you all along!"~~~~~

LITTLE RED WAGON
I FEEL SO SMALL
AS I AM CLIMBING IN
I'M NOT STEADY AT ALL.

THERE IS NO ONE TO PUSH.
HOW WILL YOU MOVE?
THIS IS NOT MUCH FUN,
JUST SITTING IN YOU.

ALL OF A SUDDEN,
WOBBLY WHEELS START TO ROLL.
WE ARE HEADED DOWN HILL,
DANGER SEEMS TO UNFOLD.

WE ARE PICKING UP SPEED,
FEAR IS ROBBING MY BREATH,
WE ARE NOW ON A FREEWAY,
AM I FACING SURE DEATH?

NO,I'M NOT ASKING,
"IS IT THE END OF MY DAYS?"
RATHER, "IS IT THE DEATH OF A DREAM?
WHAT IS THIS DREADFUL HAZE?"

OTHERS FRANTICALLY RUSH
TO SPOTS OF "WHO KNOWS WHAT",
AS I SPIN IN MY WAGON,
TOWARD THE ISLES OF "I KNOW NOT".

NEXT I FIND MYSELF
MYSTERIOUSLY OFF OF THE ROAD,
UPON THE JAGGED EDGE,
FACING THE LAND NAMED "UNTOLD".

THERE ARE RIVERS TO CROSS,
RUGGED MOUNTAINS TO CLIMB,
MY FEET ARE BARE,
AM I LOSING MY MIND?

HOW CAN I CONQUER
WHEN I FEEL SO ALONE?
THERE IS ONLY THIS WAGON.
WHERE HAS EVERYONE GONE?

I AM TALKING TO YOU,
RED BOX WITH WORN WHEELS!
BUT YOU DON'T REALLY CARE
HOW THIS ALL MAKES ME FEEL!

EVERY DROP OF SWEAT
HAS DRAINED FROM MY BEING,
I FEEL THE TEARS
BUT THERE IS ONLY THE STINGING.

THROUGH THE BURNING,
AND BEYOND THE HAZE
I SENSE THE PRESENCE
AND THAT PIERCING GAZE.

HIS VOICE IS NOT AUDIBLE,
BUT I HAVE HEARD HIM BEFORE,
THE SILENT WHISPERS
OF MY LOVING LORD.

SO PERCHED IN MY WAGON,
ALL RUSTED AND WORN,
HE SAYS, "I UNDERSTAND
THAT YOUR HEART IS TORN".

"THE VENTURE BEFORE YOU,
IS LONG AND ROUGH,
BUT IF YOU LET ME PULL
THAT WILL BE ENOUGH."

"TRYING TO TRAVEL SOLO
AS YOU FACE THIS QUEST IN LIFE,
WILL LEAD TO CERTAIN CRASH
BUT MY COMPANY WILL SUFFICE."

AS HE STARTS TO PULL THE HANDLE,
TOWARD THE COUNTRY CALLED "UNKNOWN",
I REST ALONG THE PILGRIMAGE,
FOR I WAS NEVER REALLY ALONE......
by Ange Cogburn

We all face challenges and struggles in life that often leave us overwhelmed, weary and discouraged. We may feel abandoned as if some plight has come upon us and will devour us. Our family is facing a situation like this as our son is facing some developmental challenges. We do not know yet what the future holds, but we know who holds his future and the future of our family. We can face the challenges with a defeatist mindset, or we can move forward knowing that our Savior is pulling us along. He leads us, guides us and lavishes His love upon us in indescribable measures. This season is a gift.
What lies ahead is a gift. I embrace it. I am up to the challenge because I know my Redeemer lives!

I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. Matthew 28:20b

Hope Whisperer

2010-09-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

" Looking back on a season of loss can allow for much gratitude in the heart. However, walking in the midst of it tests every hope to see if it is solid enough to stand on. When pain is a fiery, constant companion to your raw, torn-up heart and all of life suddenly seems shallow and meaningless, where does that leave us? The pain of loss is like a continual night and life without color...until He whispers hope into the darkness. And then the soul will struggle through the choice to reach out and embrace it or deny its comfort. He knows when our heart can't feel his love through the pain and so He holds out hope - and we have a choice." Author Unknown

I saw this quote this morning and it took my heart back to a place of remembrance of losses, pain, and disappointments I have suffered in my life. When one is walking in the dark and the pitch black is drowning out every speck of light, your soul eyes strain to focus on anything tangible. Your path is is obscured by that shrouding veil of hopelessness. You stumble. You trip. You bump into obstacles in your pathway and wince at the pain. You slip and slide through the endless stream of tears. You just cannot seem to get a grip. And you feel you are drowing in a sea of darkness. You forget to breathe or you gasp for air. I remember it well. Yet in the midst of these thick slices of trials in which life inevitably serves, there is One who is always there holding out hope. What would we do without hope?

You reach out for help. And well wishers in the goodness of their hearts will tell you what to do. Just have hope. Just have more faith. Just read your Bible...yada, yada. When you feel like your heart is crumbling, the last thing you want is a list of "should dos". You just want relief. You just want comfort. You just want the strength to hold on yet another moment. Loss is excruciating. You feel abandoned. You feel forgotten. You are confused and misunderstood. Loneliness is a shallow word when trying to define how you feel.

A couple of days ago, a dear friend wrote to me pouring out her sorrow and feelings of abandonment. This strong woman of faith shared that she had no hope that God is there for her. It is difficult to know what to say in this situation. It is not a time to correct. Correction is not needed. It is really not a time to advise. Her heart is tired. And in my own inadequacy, all I could do was tell her this, " I remember."

And I began to share with her the way I felt in dark seasons . "It was through my very doubt, fear, anger, disappointment and hopelessness that God did show Himself strong. Nothing shall seperate us from the love of God. Not even our own lack of feeling or hope. So hope is still there because Hope is a person and HE is within you whether you feel Him or not. And HE is caring for you now. HE never abandons His own. And who am I to say that I will never feel like that again? Who is to say that just because I have been through times when I doubted God and lost hope that I may never go through it again later? It is even Him who holds our faith together...to say that I have arrived to a place that I will never feel like He is abandoned me or forgotten me is arrogant. I know that there are trials ahead in my life. I pray for the grace to see me through even if I lose hope.We are frail in our humanity but strong in HIM!"

We live in an age where we focus so much on the future and the unknowns. We make assessments and make conclusions of doomsday because of so many negative clouds surrounding us. However, when the dark clouds hang low and press heavily upon us we must remember that truth will always stand and that there will always be hope. When my heart fails me, my God will never fail me. When my mind lies to me, my Father will remind me of the truth. And when my hope seems lost I can be still, open my soul in broken abandon and hear His whispers of hope. When it seems as cascading tears will never cease to flow, we can be assured that not only does He contain each teardrop in a bottle, but He counts each one that falls. Hope is not dependent on me and my strength. Hope is in the One who is the very essence of hope. Do you feel your hope wavering today? Do you feel that darkness is swallowing every ounce of strength you have? Do not give up. When you cannot hold hope, our Hope Whisperer stands in your midst and holds hope for you. He will never release His grasp upon you. Find rest and strength in the arms of the Hope Whisperer. For in Him there is always hope, always something to look forward to, and always the prevailing truth that Hope always wins.

Love to all,

Ange

AND THIS HOPE WILL NOT LEAD TO DISAPPOINTMENT (IN THE END). FOR WE KNOW HOW DEARLY GOD LOVES US BECAUSE HE HAS GIVEN US THE HOLY SPIRIT TO FILL OUR HEARTS WITH HIS LOVE. (ROMANS 5:5)

You Are Irresistible!

2010-07-20T08:56:00.001-07:00

AS HIS PARENT,I WAS GRIPPED BY HIS STRESS. I WAS COMPELLED BY HIS DILEMMA.AND I WAS FASCINATED BY HIS CHILDLIKE INNOCENCE. HE WAS COMPLETELY IRRESISTIBLE TO ME!~~~~~

Yesterday evening as I was preparing dinner for the family, I heard a shrilling scream at the garage door. My 3 year old had wandered outside without my knowledge. When I heard the outburst, all I could do was think the worse. For a short second, I had a flash vision of blood coming from some part of his tiny body. Immediately the adrenaline kicked in as I ran to the door and opened it. As I scooped Timmy up into my arms the only thing blood red was his stress strained, tear streaked face.However, his clothing was completely soaked. After investigating the situation, I discovered he had turned the outside faucet on and the force of the water was so strong it soaked him completely as well frightened him into sheer a panic.

There was a part of me that was distraught because I did not want to see my little guy so flustered and upset. Yet at the same time he was completely irresistible to me. All I could do was cuddle him in his wet clothing until his little heart beat slowed to normal rhythm. It was no bother to me that my clothing was also soaked and that the crust on my chicken pie was getting too brown. All that mattered at this moment was this little child's well being. As his parent, I was gripped by his stress. I was compelled by his dilemma. And I was fascinated by his childlike innocence. He was completely irresistible to me!

As I contemplate the way my mother's heart melts for my children, I cannot help but hear the whispers and instruction of my own perfect Parent who guides me and directs me daily. I could see myself in the trembling state of my toddler and I could hear my Daddy God say, "When you are at your worst moment and you run to Me and cry to Me, you are nothing less than irresistible!" And as I ponder these words of love and adoration, I cannot help but wonder how many of God's own children do not know how irresistible they are to the One who created them,the very One who intricately designed them within their mother's womb and breathed divine breath into their very being?

The world in which we live says to be successful you must be independent of all others and dependent only upon yourself. The world says that to be considered courageous, you hide your fears under a false garment of pride which we meticulously adorn ourselves so that we dare not disclose any fear to our own hearts much less others around us. The world says live solely by your logic and human reasoning. Let them know how great you are and how smart you are so you can hide your aching soul.And the world says, to be irresistible you must empower yourself with as much knowledge as possible and increase your self esteem by any means possible in order to love and accept yourself. Why is it we believe the lies of the world and the deception of our own hearts? The simple answer, we do not trust our perfect parent. How this must break His heart.

However, the Lord has spoken the words that bring everlasting peace and life.Jesus spoke these words as a vulnerable little child ran into his arms, "Whoever becomes simple and elemental again,like this child , he will rank high in God's Kingdom. What's more, when you receive the childlike on My account, it is the same as receiving Me. (Matthew 18:4,5) The Message

And as my little boy was wrapped in my arms dripping wet with tears and water, I thought of our Lord's words. Study a child and one will recognize his unreserved
passion and freedom to express pain,joy,sadness,gratefulness, and delight. He is not moved nor bothered by who is watching or what others are thinking. He just seeks out the presence and the comforting embrace of his parent. And these are the very qualities that appeal to our Lord. He is overwhelmed by our cries to Him when we find ourselves distressed and anguished. He is enthralled by an exuberant heart of gratefulness and is gripped by a broken spirit even more than obedience. He loves a vulnerable heart and a transparent soul. He sees and hears our cries and He splits the Heavens wide open to come and cuddle us. He hears our simple songs of praise no matter how out of tune and He smiles with sheer delight!

So, what makes us so irresistible to Him? Well, just being his kid is enough. However, there is something that overpowers the heart of God when we come into His presence and we simply become honest with Him. And when we approach the alter of divine authenticity , He calls us successful. He calls us courageous and strong in our weakest moments. To be irresistible to our Father and Creator...what more could we desire? To walk with Him, talk with Him, listen to Him, cry to Him, sing for Him and to just be real with Him! What more could a child of His truly long for? Personally,I am not ashamed to say this is my life's pursuit...to be as a child so that I can relish in His company everyday. He is absolutely irresistible to me!!

Camera Happy Mommy!

2010-06-28T15:54:00.000-07:00

It is only by the grace of the the good Lord that I can be a happy hearted mommy and a heavy hearted mommy at the same time. I am overcome everyday with gratefulness. And even though we belong to an unchanging Father, there are always changes in life that challenge us to press forward. Better yet, the challenge of change should press us closer into the loving breast of our almighty, yet tender Lord. Yesterday, I found some comfort in the camera! So I would like to share these photos with you. It has been another difficult season in our lives.I always praise HIM for the tough times for I know that it is only through those seasons we are truly changed. It is in the pressing stages that we find a deeper place in our Savior. What more could I ask for?

I love to see babies in nothing but their diapers, so I wanted to share these shots of the girls. Also below you will see some picture of some of the other younger children. Enjoy!!

In closing I would just like to share that our 18 year old son Tommy is moving to S.C. next week on July 7th. So now you know why my mommy heart is a bit heavy. It is always difficult to let our children go. However, as parents our deepest desire is to see God's will be carried out in our children's lives. I cannot imagine Tommy not being with us. And my eyes fill with tears as I write. If I have one little crumb of wisdom to share about launching our children into the world it would be this: As parents we often have our own visions for our children. However, we have to lovingly release them knowing that God has the perfect plan, not us. And no matter what that plan looks like, we can trust in the Name of the Lord our God. In addition, we can loosen the grip and lean on His never changing grace.

I love you all,

Ange

For Your mercy and loving-kindness are great and high as the heavens! Your truth and faithfulness reach to the skies!Psalm 108:4

HEY YA'LL!! Long Time No See!

2010-06-08T17:38:00.000-07:00

Wow, I realize I have allowed too much time to go by since my last post. And I know many of you have been checking back regularly to see if I have put up anything new. Sorry that I have not. You just never know around here. The twins have thrown me for a loop! A joyful one, but so unpredictable. We are still working at getting them on a better schedule. Seems like they may be finally getting in sync somewhat with their sleeping patterns. Since last week they are pretty much napping at the same time in the afternoon and they are sleeping well at night. Lizzie gets up only once to eat most nights. She can afford the extra feeding considering how tiny she is. Maggie is in the crib and sleeps through the night most nights.

Today they are 7 months old and I am blown away by how the time has flown. Some days are so hectic that I wonder if it will ever end. At the same time, I try to embrace and press every moment to my heart. This baby season is passing all too quickly. It is bittersweet at times. I miss the newborn stage, but how precious this season is to see the babies rolling around, smiling and laughing, and saying their first words!

Well, to catch everyone up, I am going to post some photos of the family. We have had a graduate, a couple of birthdays, and a family day trip recently. Hope this blog finds all of you happy and well. Thank you for visiting my blog and for caring so much about our lives!! JAMIE, DANIEL AND HEATHER WITH MAGGIE AND LIZZIE

MOM WITH MAGGIE, LIZZIE AND JAMIE

MAGGIE AND LIZZIE AT 7 MONTHS OLD

TOMMY COGBURN, 2010 GRADUATE. I AM SO PROUD OF HIM. HE FINISHED 2 YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL IN ONE YEAR! WAY TO GO TOMMY!!

This Thing Called Rest? What is That?

2010-04-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

I am sitting at the end of my very long dining room table that hubby and I bought from IKEA about 4 years ago. I am looking at all the little dents and scratches etched from little toddlers spoons from the last few years. The table was only 300 bucks or so. It is just a block table to be used for eating, crafting, sewing and art. I love our humble table. Presently it is the only thing tidy in the house. The breakfast mess has been cleared off and my 10 year old is loading the dishwasher. There are toys all over the living room floor. The twins have been crying on and off all morning because they woke up before the roosters crowed. Sounds chaotic huh?

Now, I could be doing laundry because the smelly mountain is calling my name. And I really need to get a couple of the kids going on their Math. However, it has been a stressful morning and I am going to take a rest....by writing. Sometimes my mind gets really cluttered. That means, "Time to pen some thoughts!" And when I do so, I only share what is going on with me in hopes that maybe someone can relate. So, anyone? Anyone? Do ever wonder what that foreign word "rest" means? I have been silently mulling over it this week.

Personally, I often have trouble entering true rest because of an internal pressure called, "shoulds and ought tos". Why is it I get into my head these standards that I think I should meet up to? Here are a few of my present pressures . They like to scream at me! And I am still in the process of learning how to silence them.

1.I should be able to be everything for my children all day every day. And if I am not, I am falling off the job of what it means to be a "good" mother.

2. My house should be more organized and dust free. The laundry should aways stay caught up.

3. I should be able to go to the gym at least 3 times a week, eat salads for lunch every day and never eat chocolate again.

4. I should be out in the neighborhood and the community helping others and making more friends. After all, we are called to be the salt of the earth, right?

5. Everyone of my children should be involved in sports, clubs and activities to make them more "rounded".

6. I should invite people over to my house more often for dinner.

7. And the list goes on and on.

Now tell me that I am not the only one. I can only imagine the multitudes of women, wives, and moms who wrestle with their own internal pressures to be this and to do that. And if we do not meet up to the "list" then we think ourselves failures. So the cycle goes on and on . We become work horses of endless striving and urgency. How exhausting!!

On the other hand I have been pondering this: If I gave myself over to half of the list above, in reality I would be cheating. Yes, cheating. In life we either cheat someone or something. If I am a slave to my house, to having a lot of friends, to an over emphasis on appearance, to even being a minister outside of my home, then someone is cheated. And who is that? My family. However, if I daily choose my family, who is really the most important in the first place, I am cheating other people and tasks. The reality is that something or someone is going to be short changed. I am reminded even now, that my first calling is to relationship with God and my family members and that means making sacrifices! There is no human way to do it all even if we try.

To everything in one's life there is a season. For me, I have been in a 20 year season of having and raising children. Twenty years seems long. However, I look back and those years have been a vapor. And if the Lord chooses to give me at least 18 more years, that is when the twins will probably be on their own. Think of it, I will be 63 years old. If the next 18 years zooms by like the last 20, I want to soak in every moment because I can never get them back once they are gone.

So as I age and mature, I am still learning as a child of God to let go of certain things. Sometimes we have to let go of certain relationships that can be very difficult and painful. And most importantly, we are constantly being challenged to let go of certain mind sets.

Several years ago, our family was blessed in a very special way. We were expecting our ninth baby. We were moving out of our home during my first trimester. Because of the fatigue and morning sickness, it was difficult to accomplish anything, especially packing boxes. My laundry room was so cluttered with dirty clothes that I could not even walk through. One day I was feeling so defeated by everything around me, I threw myself down in the middle of all the dirty laundry and began to loudly cry out to God for help. A couple of weeks later, two precious Chinese woman flew over from Taiwan to help us. For two weeks they worked diligently packing boxes, cooking meals, doing laundry and caring for the other children. Every time I would try to help, those sweet ladies would look at me and say, "Ange, go take a rest! Go take a rest!"

I am reminded that God never puts half the pressure on us that we put upon ourselves. And sometimes people put pressure on us that God never intends. We have to learn to draw the line sometimes and say, "NO!" And if it costs a friendship, then maybe the person was never a real friend to begin with.

So can we learn to rest? WE can gain a new perspective that:

1.We can learn to see our lives in seasons. Our lives will be different 10 years from now. This insulates us from thinking that certain goals and dreams have to be met within this year or even next year. God wants to give us many things, but not all at once.

2. Find "down times" that work for you and your family. We can get so bogged down by tasks at times that we can easily fall into looking at our children as interruptions instead of priorities. Put down what you are doing and join in with what the kids are doing. Sit under the stars on a blanket, play Lego's, sit at the table and color, sit up later to talk with your teenagers.

3. Guard against overcommitment. When we are going in too many directions, we as moms often feel like we are spread too thin. Keep enough space in your schedule so you can truly enjoy moments instead of being stressed out by too many activities. A life too cluttered by business makes for a grouchy mom. I want to be a cheerful mom!

When we can practice resting, we truly can find our individual nitch of what it means to live peacefully. Our hearts will be more settled and we find more harmony in our relationships and day to day responsibilities. So, I sit here now and think about how I can "take a rest". I desire to savor every moment and to live this day in abundance for tomorrow is never promised.

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

Take a moment to listen today
To what your children are trying to say...
Listen to their problems
Listen for their needs...
Tolerate their chatter
Amplify their laughter
Find out whats the matter
Find out what they're after
But tell them that you love them
Every single night...
Listen today, whatever you do
And they will come back to listen to you.
-Unknown

Once Upon....

2010-04-27T16:16:00.000-07:00

a sunny day in toasty AZ,
this family went to the park. I mean this here family....the Cogburn family!
And this sunny day was so sunny the brilliance was almost blinding. However, everything was so colorful and vibrant.
Seems like the skies are about this blue most days here in the Valley of the Sun. And every palm tree looks majestic against sapphire blue skies. One could just soak in the beauty all day long...except you might fry from the heat!
Oh happy happy day! Little girlies got to go play!
And here is another cute girlie who had a blast playing in the sunshine! Little roses bloom in the sun Heather Rose. Too bad big sister chose to stay home and study. She would have enjoyed the outing!
Well hello there freckle face Josh! The more you play in the sun, the more pennies appear on your precious cheeks...you are rich!
And Dan, you are the man! You have a nice investment of facial pennies yourself! So cute!
Jamie! We were so glad you had a blast exploring the outdoors. I am surprised you did not want to bring your novel with you to read under a tree!!
Tiny Tim! Oh so dirty! Did you get hungry and try to eat some desert dirt?
Brothers really do make the best buddies!
Peeka boo I see you Heather!
Daniel you know how to talk to the camera don't you?
Hanging out, hanging around and just going with the flow huh Josh?
It was such a fun day! The simple things are the best! No price tag can be placed upon making special memories with the family.

So until next time, we will keep living happily ever after because we just choose to!

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again--rejoice!
Phil. 4:4

A Blessed Wife

2010-04-19T15:04:00.000-07:00

It is within the tough times, the stressful moments, and the walks through the valleys which test our marriages. We are either pulled away because the clouds of the storms distort our view of one another, or we are knitted together because we have a strong foundation in Christ. There have been several seasons in my marriage where the thickness of the clouds caused me to lose my way a bit. The scope of my vision became paled and I lost sight of the truth. However, I am very grateful that God always parts the clouds and helps me to see once again the reality of all my blessings. I daily need my Savior!
My greatest blessing on this earth is not my children, but first my husband. As time passes I am more and more amazed by his strength, gentleness, and patience. When my grandfather died a few weeks ago, it was John's idea that I should probably go to back East to attend the funeral and spend time with my family. And even though it was a busy time at his job, John took several vacation days off to take care of the children. The airline ticket was not cheap either, so I know it was a bit of a sacrifice for him to buy my ticket to go. He never complained once about my being gone. And he said nothing negative about having to get up in the middle of the night with both babies for feedings. I really have never heard of too many men like my husband. I know they are out
there, but there really cannot be too many.
The other thing that has really drawn my attention was the grace and patience John showed this past weekend when most of the family was sick with a virus. I mean this was his two days off and here he is again taking care of everyone while I too am laid up in the bed sick. Wow, I think I might be too blessed if there is such a thing.

When my husband demonstrates these acts of kindness, I feel very loved by him. There have been some nights he has gotten up with the twins to feed them both because he knew I was tired and needed the rest. And what kind of man would want to have 11 children with his wife? That must be a man who loves her a lot!

So I count my blessings once again. No, we do not have a perfect marriage, nor a perfect life, but we are abundantly blessed in a very special way. God chose the perfect man for me. How he puts up with me at times I do not know. I guess it is just the patience and grace he has. Sometimes we get stuck in ruts in our relationships with our spouses. It is within those times we need to back up, press the gas, and get our attitude back on the path. Life is so short. We do not know how long we will have them. Here are just a few things I have been pondering on lately.

1. Choose to think positively about your spouse. We all have our weaknesses. However, do not let his or her flaws cause you to be blind sighted to his or her strengths.

2. Live each day as if it is your last with you spouse. You never know if today might be the last day.

3. Say less and hug more.

4. Your countenance mirrors your heart. Smile more at your spouse and always give eye contact in conversation.

5.Trash all negative words. For every negative word you feel tempted to speak, replace with 3positive statements.

6. Most importantly, find your significance in Christ. The more secure we are in God the more secure we are in our marriages.

7. Say I love you several times a day!

You know, I think I am bragging on my dear husband. But we need to do that! It is not that we are being prideful. We are recognizing the goodness of God in our lives and we need to testify of His blessings! Also, we need to let our loved ones know how much they really mean to us because one day it might be too late should we put it off. We do not want to have one regret!

Happy Birthday Daniel!

2010-04-15T22:04:00.000-07:00

Happy 9th Birthday Daniel. You have been so blessed. I cannot even remember the last time you even had a cold. And today, on your special day, you were sick. I felt so sad.
I am not used to seeing you all laid up on the couch so still. You are such a strong active boy. Always wanting to help and needing to be doing something!!
And here is the infamous ice cream cake...our family tradition. You picked out some yummy flavors..Dutch chocolate, french vanilla, Twix bars and Butterfingers! Yum Yum! I am glad you at least felt like eating a little of it!
Awww, look at your big blue eyes. So tired!
And here is our big,long family table. We have made so many memories around this simple table. I pray there will be many more!
And here are Daddy and me. We love you so much!
Daniel,you have had such a sweet,cheerful spirit today even though you were sick. But you are so sweet most of the time anyway!
I hope you liked all of your gifts and that you will enjoy them. Hopefully you will feel more like playing tomorrow.

Happy Birthday my sweet son. I will see you in the morning and I will show you this post then. I love you so much. You are a gift from God and a joy to this mother's heart...

Love,
MOM

More to Smile About!!

2010-04-08T13:17:00.001-07:00

Today the girls are 5 months old. I cannot believe it!
Yes I have so much to smile about!
To grin about!
There is not much more to say except...WOW I AM SO DOG GONE BLESSED!!
My home and my heart are full.....
full!!!
running over....
with blessings!!
My God is good!
Times are tough sometimes...
But I serve a giving and loving God...
who loves to pour out His goodness to anyone who is willing to receive HIS best!!

Love you my friends!

Ange

Much to Smile About!

2010-04-07T08:13:00.001-07:00

Last Monday morning my Pa Pa went to be with the Lord. He is no longer suffering and is having a blast in Heaven with Jesus! When a loved one crosses the other side to be with the Lord, we have much reason to celebrate. And when I think of my Pa Pa, I can only smile. His life was blessed. It was full and abundant here on earth. He was a blessing to many. Now he is reaping his rewards! To look into the face of Jesus! There is nothing better! To literally hold God's hand and to live with Him in His house....Pa Pa is resting in His eternal home where he belongs!
After the funeral in N.C. I went back to Ninety Six with my parents to spend time with them. What a great memory! I went to stay with them in hopes of being a help to them in some way. However, the blessing was mostly mine as I enjoyed several days of quiet,enjoying the scenery of the lake and flowers in bloom. I mainly enjoyed spending time with my precious parents!
In Momma and Daddy's yard is a huge Camellia tree. The petals were beginning to fall off the blooms and they graced the lawn with their beautiful hues of pink! It was breathtaking.
This is one of the Camellia buds just beginning open.
This is one of my favorite photos. The skies were blue every day I was back home except one day which was party cloudy. The birdhouse is where the purple martins stay when they fly in from South America every year to breed in the spring. My daddy told me that the martin comes back to its birth place every spring. In July, they leave and go back to South America for the winter. Look at the blue sky....sigh...I love the simple things in life!
This is the lake view out of the bedroom window in which I grew up! I was one blessed kid!!
One thing I am smiling about right now are my two precious nephews Allan and William. I knew I loved them, but this trip just did something to my heart. I am just crazy about these two. I could just take them home with me. This is William. He is 15 years old and a freshman in high school. He is the sweetest and kindest young man!!
This is my other nephew Allan. He is 21 and such a joy! I love his quiet demeanor and his laugh! He giggles just like my brother!

My brother Chris is such a blessing. He is my only sibling and we are only 13 months apart. We were always close growing up. He is a wonderful man and father! I love him dearly!
Momma and Daddy! They have to be some of the sweetest and most loving people on earth! I am so blessed to have them as my parents!
Daddy and Momma again with my sweet sister in law Mandy. We had the best time laughing and cutting up!
Another wonderful blessing that came from my visit back home in Ninety Six was my visit with some of my former classmates. This is Angie. She was my first friend when my family moved to Ninety Six. I was in the 6th grade. She and I have remained close through the years. She was one of my very best friends!
Here I am with Rinda. Rinda is such a strong and godly woman. When we moved to Ninety Six, many of the kids were mean to me because I was the new kid. Rinda always stood up for me. An amazing lady!
Debbie and me. Debbie was always one of my closest friends too. This lady always kept me laughing and smiling! She is such a precious person!
And here we are together. Rhonda (middle) was one of my best friends too. She was in my wedding and we are also still close. I love her dearly. She is a faithful friend!

Here is another beautiful lake view from my parent's home on Lake Greenwood.
Raisin, my parents' little doggie. He is the sweetest dog in the world. When I started missing my babies I would just cuddle with him!
This was one of my favorite things about my trip...sitting out by the fireplace on my parents deck after dark. We would wrap up, make a drink, prop our feet on the hearth, and just talk and laugh!!
Another lovely lake view!
More pretty petals!
I took this photo laying in the hammock. What a gorgeous blue sky. I have so much to smile about! I am a grateful woman. I am rich with family, friends and faith. Life is to be celebrated and treasured moment by moment. I celebrate my Pa Pa as I know he lives in peace and joy with God now. And it is moments like these that bring a little slice of heaven into view.

Springing in the Valley!

2010-03-26T17:43:00.000-07:00

This was such an amazing spring day! The air was warm but there was a cool breeze. It was as if the gentle wind was calling and beckoning, "Come and play. Find solace for your soul!"
After lunch I extended an invitation to the children to join me outdoors.
We sported our shades and grabbed the camera!
It is amazing the beauty and growth you can find in the desert....a unique loveliness like no other place.
We knocked on some doors of our neighbors and asked it we could photograph their blooms! You would have thought we brought a trophy to their door! Or a blue ribbon! They were delighted!
And I felt like one of those blooms myself as we strolled the streets with the desert sun shining upon our faces and bare arms! Wow...how refreshing!
Thank you my Daddy for the gift of this day! Your beauty is indescribable. May I never take Your works for granted!
Wow...what an amazing day...just to relax and enjoy my sweet children, to bask in the simplicity of the season, and to know that I am in my Father's care! For if He takes such great pleasure in the blooms springing from within the gardens of the earth, then how much greater His care for me!!!

These Moments Won't Last Long

2010-03-23T16:27:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to share these two photos with you my blogger friends! This afternoon Maggie and Lizzie were going at it the same time..."WAAAAA WAAAA WAAAAA WAAAAA WAAAA!" It was LOUD! SO, I swaddled them up very tightly in a blankie and held them both. They immediately fell asleep in my arms. I held them like this for a while because they just looked so dog gone precious!! These moments are flying by. Sometimes I get stressed with two babies, but I try to always treasure these moments. They truly are priceless.

Love to all,

Ange

A Loincloth or a Robe?

2010-03-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

If you were naked and someone offered you either a loincloth or a full robe, which would you choose? I know what my choice would be. I would want the robe! I would grab for that which would give me the most covering and the most warmth! For me, I sure do not want to be exposed in the first place for all to see my imperfections. Secondly, I would not feel safe or secure without any clothing to protect me.

So you ask," I wonder why Ange is writing about robes, and loin cloths and nakedness?" Well, to be honest, I have been looking at the cross. The cross where Jesus hung. His flesh was not only stripped bare but his mutilated tissue hung from his bones after all the beatings and poundings. This is not a pretty thought. Yet it was the heart of love that makes this ghastly view a most lovely sight.

Jesus the Savior of the world hung naked, completely raw on the cross. Many paintings you see of the Christ on the Cross, you notice He is donned with a loincloth. However, Matthew 27 says , "And they stripped Him and put on Him a scarlet robe." There is no indication that his mockers dressed him in a little loincloth. The loincloth seems right and appropriate to the limited artists who present Christ with His private parts covered. Wonder why? Maybe it was that they painted what they thought we could only ""stand to see". However, Isaiah 52:10 states, "The Lord hath made BARE his holy arm."

So why the loincloth? I ask again, why do we see it in every photo we see painted of Jesus? Honestly, I believe it is a representation of our human tendency to always cover ourselves up. There are things in our lives that we struggle with in which we try to keep hidden. We tend to hide our humanity underneath the man made loincloth of religiosity. We stay so busy and burdened trying to cover up only that which God can cover and has already covered. Let's look at Matthew 27:28 again.

"AND THEY STRIPPED HIM, AND PUT ON HIM A SCARLET ROBE."

He was stripped down to his bare skin and then his bare skin was literally stripped from his bones. His abusers mocked Him further by dressing Him in a scarlet robe. Yet this was actually a foretelling of what the sacrificial death of the lamb of God meant. Jesus, the Prince of Peace, King of Glory was made naked and wounded so that His royal red blood could flow and and cover us. We have been given His scarlet blood robe and we are covered at all times. Yet we still try to cover ourselves with a flimsy loincloth! Why is it that we settle for so little when we already have it all?Come on church, we must wake up! We must stop focusing on hiding our private parts and trust that we are dressed in the best!! When we finally can get that deep within us, we know we are free to be vulnerable and real about our humanity. For it is within the reality of our humanity where the brokenhearted will find the Savior!!

However, to be perfectly honest, there have been too many times in my weakness where I have chosen to wear the loin cloth when I had already been given a robe. I think it has been mostly due to fear of man and maybe an unhealthy fear of God. When Adam and Eve sinned against God in the garden, they were suddenly afraid of God. So they constructed prickly loincloths to cover only what God could cover for them. Friends, God's provision for our nudity is the blood alone! Through Him we are clothed with scarlet robes of righteousness. What great news! We can dispose of those hideous loincloths!

So, if I am dressed in the finest attire, I do not have to worry about being naked, right? Well yes and no. My clothing is on at all times, it can never be stripped. So since I am hidden in Him, I can be free to be me in all my humanity. Therefore, I feel that if we could start being more real with ourselves, with God , and with others, we would see more people being healed. We the church would see more people coming to Christ because it is in our transparency that others will be drawn to Jesus Christ.

In our natural way, we do not want people to know we have struggles with finances. We do not want people to see that we might lose our house, or that we are on our way to bankruptcy. We do not want others to know that one of kids got his girlfriend pregnant or that our daughter is a homosexual Deeper still , we sure do not want others to see that we struggle with things like jealousy and insecurity!. It is the loincloth of shame that keeps up from being real with each other. However, if we could ever grasp the fact that the robe is on, then we could be fearless to share with others our own weaknesses and struggles.

In our human pride we honestly want others to think we have it all together. That is a shabby loincloth. And it is the loincloth of pride that often divides us from reaching people. Hurting people want to connect with others who are hurting or who have been hurt. When we dress ourselves in our fake religious suits, others see us and think,"Wow, she has it all together. I could never be like that or get to that place. Many times that makes people run from us, from the church and from Jesus because we have misrepresented a naked God!

In closing I encourage you to insert this genuine vision within your heart. Jesus hanging between two prisoners. His wrists are pierced and grounded to the cross. On each side of those bleeding hands are two "no gooders" as everyone else thought. However, in Christ's most painful and most vulnerable moment, offers hope and courage to the two captives. I can almost imagine a conversation taking place where Jesus says through gritted teeth"I understand how much this hurts. It hurts me too. These nails in my hands and feet are killing me. I know what you mean guys." You see Jesus was REAL. It was in his transparency and nakedness that the one prisoner believed and cried out to the only ONE who could save Him... the One who hung naked and real before all who mocked and misunderstood Him. Yet the one prisoner found the One who could relate to. The One and Only who could only dress him in an eternal robe knit together perfectly with His own precious blood.

So which do you choose? The loincloth or the robe? Remember if you have accepted Jesus as your Savior you are dressed in the dripping red robe of righteousness. Furthermore, by being real and naked before yourself, God and others, that ONE prisoner may find hope and a life worth living!!

With His love in me!

Ange

Overflow

2010-03-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I like to sketch in the afternoons when the little ones are resting. It helps me to get my mind off of my worries!

It's Just Me Being Me!

2010-03-14T15:01:00.000-07:00

I found this little wire basket at Goodwill and made it into a candle holder!

When I awoke this morning something felt totally different! The babies! They both slept through the night! Wow, I felt so refreshed! I jumped out of bed to feed little Maggie. And as I sat in the rocker cuddling her, my eyes swept over the family room area. We had all forgotten to tidy up before bed. There were toys on the floor, the sofa pillows were disheveled, and a few cups were sitting around. I thought to myself, "It sure would be embarrassing if someone popped in right now for a visit."

This is my favorite.....a tiny tea pot which fits on top of the tea cup! It is adorable and I only paid 4.99 for it!

As I sat rocking and rocking little Maggie in the middle of the dowdy family room, I had some other thoughts. I wonder why I get so stressed about my messy house when I know someone is coming over? It's like another personality emerges as I dart around everywhere to straighten up. And why do I find it humiliating at times for someone to come into my home and see that I actually live in it instead of staging it for a photo shoot with Better Homes and Gardens? A house that is lived in is gonna have mess, especially if 13 people live there. I'm preaching to myself!!

I also scooped up this little goody for 99 cents. I already had the candles.

As I continually inquired and pondered my own heart I thought, "Surely I am not alone! There has to be other women who do the same...you know, live in their homes with stuff everywhere. Then I envisioned some of my other dear friends as they maybe get all frantic like me when company is coming. And what about when someone shows up the door unexpectedly? We have piles of shoes in the foyer and the inside looks like a daycare center. So sometimes I stand in the door way hoping the surprise visitor will not peek around me and see what our life is really like! Is it a matter of fear? pride? or dignity?

This little ceramic pot brightens up the kitchen with its yellow lemon cheer! Price was only 3.99

Well, to be perfectly honest I think it is a mix of all these. I don't want people to know that I really am not all that organized. After all, a mom of 11 should be really organized, right? And I do not want someone to judge me as a person because I have have dust on my coffee table and crumbs on the kitchen floor. It can made a woman feel naked sometimes when others see you do not have it quite "as together" as they might think. Honestly ladies? I cannot be the only one!
This little shelf was only 4.99, so I picked it up to hang in my daughter's room.

So you see, I am just being me...real and sometimes very vulnerable. You know why? Because I am not the only one who sometimes struggles with these human fractures. Now I know what my perspective should be. I should clean when I can and not worry so much about it. And when I do clean before company comes it should be with the motive of doing it out of respect and the comfort of others. I mean who wants to sit down at my table with cheerios in the chairs? And who really wants to walk into the guest bathroom with poop floating in the toilet because a darling little 5 year old forgot to flush? You getting my point folks?

Needless to say, God uses my messy house to teach me a lot of valuable lessons. When I clean my home, I should joyfully accomplish the tasks with other's in mind, not my own. I mean, who really cares? Am I frantically scrubbing and organizing to make myself feel more in control? Or am I doing it for a show? And if I am spending so much time scrubbing and less time hugging and kissing those sweet kiddos, then I am cheating them and myself. And I sure do not want to miss out on the best things in life. Dust will hang around forever, but children will grow up and move on. I have to seize each day and praise God for my messy house!!! Dust, dust, I know you won't go away, so I'll clean you up another day!

Whispers and a Diaper Change!

2010-03-09T07:41:00.000-08:00

I just had a thought this morning. So simple and pure. No huge revelation. But somehow you know in certain moments the Lord just reaches out and presses His finger against your heart. Then you hear His sweet, gentle voice affirming you and reminding you that He is paying close attention to your life and all the things stirring within your heart. I love those precious moments with God...and it was all over a diaper change.

One of the twins, Lizzie, has a cold and is a bit fussy. So just a while ago, after changing her diaper, I lifted her fussy little body and held her in front of my face as I whispered to her, "I am so sorry you are not feeling well my little Lizzie." Then I hugged her and said, "I love you with all my heart!"

Immediately I felt the Lord speak to my own heart as I was whispering to Lizzie. He said, "See, when you have children, no matter how many you have, you can still love each one fully, with all of your heart. Ange, there is no way you can divide your heart between 11 children. Each one of them has all of your heart."

Even though I knew this, there was just something that went deeper. It made me think of the Father's love for ALL of his children. His love is so deep and incomprehensible at times. How can someone give all of His heart to me and yet still give all of His heart to all of His many other children? When one becomes a parent, there is that revelation. And if we could just grab hold of that truth and allow it to soak into the deepest most hidden places within us, it would be easier to trust God with every area of our lives.

I think about how much it would hurt if one of my children did not trust me. They might obey me when I tell them to do something. However, it would cut me to the core if the trust was not there. The Lord wants our obedience, but He longs more for our trust.

The Lord says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love". This means He loved you when you were a dream in His heart. He loved you before you were conceived within your mother's womb. He loved you as you grew in utero. He loved you then. He loves you now.He loves you when you are down on yourself. He loves you when you at your lowest. He loves you when you are not paying attention to Him. He loves you when you are not trusting Him. He loves you in your imperfections. He loves you in your tears and in your laughter. He loves you when you are not at your best. He loves who you are right now. He loves you no matter where you are 10 years from now, 30 years from now. And he loves you through eternity.

"I WILL NEVER QUIT LOVING YOU AND NEVER WILL. EXPECT LOVE, LOVE AND MORE LOVE." JEREMIAH 31:7 (THE MESSAGE)

4 Months Old

2010-03-08T20:49:00.000-08:00

Today the girls are 4 months old. I wanted to share a few photos really quick. This is such a bittersweet time for our family. If there is such a thing as rain and sun at the same time then we have it all. And you know what that means....A RAINBOW is about to show!!! Hallelujah! Anyway, we are so blessed and over joyed over these babies! Mommy, Lizzie and Maggie
Maggie and Lizzie

Love Love Love.................

2010-02-18T13:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Mother always remember...as you hold your little babies, I am holding you....Love,Jesus!

Boundless Love: A Story of Hope

2010-02-13T14:19:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe it! The house is totally quiet. With 11 active children, this is a rare moment. So I grab my simple laptop, run into my teenage daughter's room to sit by the window in her cushiony purple bucket chair. I gaze out and contemplate the endless and bluest sapphire sky.The slender palms sway and whisper in the tender cool breeze. And while all the folks back in my home town of Ninety Six, S.C. are enjoying a rare snow storm, I sit in my home here in the Arizona desert thinking how I would love to be there joining in on all the fun. However, I am pondering how grateful I am to be living in such a unique area of the country. Furthermore, my heart is overflowing with gratitude for how intimately involved God is in my life and the lives of all people. If we could only realize and appreciate just how much He is paying attention even when we question our own faith in various seasons of this life's journey.

Before our family moved from the East to Arizona about a year and a half ago, we had just waded through some really tough times. My husband lost his job,we had suffered two miscarriages and experienced some huge financial losses and set backs. In addition, we had gone through various situations that even damaged our trust in people. Sometimes when we are hurting over so much hardship and have wept until to the "almost point" of feeling completely drained, I feel as though we trudge through some sort muddy season of just trying to survive. In essence this causes a person to feel numb or paralyzed within every fiber of his or her existence. It is as if something died in your heart and left a black meaningless hole. That is how I felt for at least the first 8 months we lived here. It as as I had not only moved to a literal desert, but soul was a dry wasteland. We had suffered several painful trials as a family in a very short period of time. Then we suddenly moved 1900 miles away from everyone and everything familiar. Needless to say, transition is usually pretty tough. We had lost hope in many ways and felt like God had kind of forgotten us. I did not realize at the time, God brought us to the desert to heal us and to restore us and to give us a hope and a future. It is never His intention to hurt us even though sometimes our feelings lie to us and tell us otherwise.

The positive thing about moving out West was that I felt a tender nudge that I needed to just simplify my life. I was involved in so many activities in our former community and church. I loved it all because I gain great joy in serving and helping others even outside the home. Needless to say, moving to Arizona pretty much forced me to do just that, to simplify my life and to find rest. In our new season of change I was starting to really having fun taking care of the children, fixing up my home,sketching, and writing on my little blog! That season was only the beginning of my healing.

One day, as I was simply living, loving, and faithfully completing my normal and mundane tasks I received an email from a man named Eric. He told me he had come across my personal blog and invited me to be one the bloggers on Stage of Life. I was really surprised and thought it sounded like something I would enjoy doing. That was about 8 months ago. Since I have been sharing my life on Stage of Life through simple essays, I have been blessed in so many ways. I believe God knew I needed a place to pour out my heart again. He knows that when we do operate in the gifts He bestows, something in the heart starts to shrivel and die. The founders of this project have been so gracious to allow me to share my passion for the Lord and how my faith has carried me through each day of life no matter what the circumstances. I am grateful to them for this where many venues do not allow such freedom. There were, however, a couple of times I felt discouraged thinking no one probably read my essays, but I have continued to share my life and heart on this wonderful site. And even beyond the blessing of being able to share a part of myself in this way, there was someone, somewhere who would find my essays. I am glad I did not give up.

Just a couple of weeks ago I received an email from a very kind man who had read some my posts on Stage of Life. He poured out his heart to me and shared that his heart was broken because his precious wife was suffering her tenth miscarriage. I could feel the hopelessness and distress in his email and my heart was in pain for this precious couple. I was in tears as he poured out their story. He asked me about my faith and shared that he was looking for hope and for answers. I felt so inadequate in how to reach back and encourage this amazing couple. So I just prayed for God to give me words. After much prayer and the shedding of many tears for this couple I did not personally know, I felt like God was simply telling me to just be myself and not to worry about trying to be a dynamic counselor with perfect advice and all the answers. So I did just that. I shared my heart with the simple words that I know. Nothing impressive or intelligent....it was just me being me.

Through several exchanges of email, I believe these precious people are finding hope and faith. I believe they are in a season where they are not so much just trying to figure out why, they are simply learning to trust. In the meantime, I feel that God is in the process of touching them and healing their broken hearts.And I carry great hopes and faith that God is working many miracles in this stage of their lives.

What is even more amazing to me, is that God has touched me deeply through this family. I too have more hope and God is granting even more healing in me just through His allowing me to encourage someone else who lives many miles away. I have hope that maybe my simple posts on Stage of life may really be touching some one's heart. In addition, I have been challenged to see things from a broader perspective by just listening to someone else and their convictions. I am constantly reminded that I should always keep my heart open to listen and to learn new things. Furthermore, I am joyfully amazed how God operates to network people together even from across many miles through the Internet for His redemptive and loving purposes. You see, in my attempt to lift up another, my own heart has been touched and my faith has been strengthened. I have learned new things and am reminded that if God wants to do something through you, He will bring the people to you.A simple housewife like me who labors and serves within the walls of her own home, and God brought a hurting heart via email through my dinky little laptop. Thank you again Stage of Life, for your mission is touching others in deep ways. Your vision and discovery is so much more than an avenue to share information, it is a resource where hurting people are finding healing and hope. And thank you to my new friend whom I met through Stage of Life. Whether you realize it or not, I have been touched and have found strength through your story of heartbreak in which God is restoring. I am the blessed one. God's love knows no bounds. It reaches across the miles through unlimited avenues, beyond religious denominations and beliefs, and goes deeper than the sometimes shallow reasoning of man. Today I soak in the fountain of gratitude that overflows from my heart.

In closing I would like to share a quote God gave to my heart.

"HOPE" is the peaceful state of knowing we always have something to look forward to. Even in the midst of trouble, God's grace enables us to look forward and beyond with confidence knowing that He is good and has organized great plans for His own!

With a joyful and appreciative heart,

Ange

To read articles on Stage of Life, click on the green link on the side bar.

Thank Goodness for Left-Overs!

2010-02-04T16:16:00.000-08:00

It has really been a hairy day. So I am happy to have "boocoos" of left-over meatballs heating up in my oven at this moment. Since I have a few moments I thought, "Well,why not go ahead and update my blog. So here I am sitting on my comfy love sofa. My 13 year old daughter is holding one of the twins (the other is sleeping), and my 19 year old son is folding laundry.

Many of you have seen these photos already on Facebook. However, I just wanted to share them with those of you who do not do the Facebook "thang". Here is a photo of our 5 year old daughter with Lizzie and Maggie. I guess there is at least one good thing about having plenty of lap room!

It is so hard to believe these little beauties are almost 3 months old!
Sister Heather is still enthralled by her two little sisters. Wonder if she will still feel the same once they are old enough to ransack her room??Hmmm....
This one is my favorites.....beautiful feet...so smooth with no dry skin or callouses! I kiss these little toes and wonder where these precious feet will tread one day.

Well, this is all I have for now. I do need to update my sidebar. I have some great photos for that. BUT...the meatballs are "hollarin" for attention and so is one of the babies! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Catcha later friends!

Ange

WAY BEHIND FOLKS!!!

2010-02-04T07:39:00.000-08:00

Now I know I have not blogged in so long. HOWEVER, I want to thank all of you who have not given up on me. I have some new photos to post. I put them on Facebook, but have not posted them here yet. This week my friends..I promise this week I will post some new stuff. For now however, I would like to simply post these youtube videos with thoughts and prayers for a precious couple the Lord brought my way through email. They are tragically suffering their tenth miscarriage. They are hurting right now and my heart is broken and aching for them. Lord, embrace them and hold them like only You can in this time.

New Photos

2009-12-28T11:56:00.000-08:00

Hello,

My son Tommy took some photos of me with the babies this morning. I really like them and wanted to share them with you.

Happy New Year to all my dear friends! I appreciate you so much.

Love,

Ange

Eight A.M.

2009-12-23T07:03:00.000-08:00

Well it is eight a.m. the morning before Christmas Eve. The babies are still sleeping. The teenagers are still sleeping. And even the other children are sleeping. Heather just awoke and is eating her breakfast.

My blogging time is very limited right now since I am so busy with the babies and the family overall. However, I just want to update the "happenings" around here.

Our oldest son arrived home this past Sunday. He will be living with us until he finds his next step. He will be 20 years old in March! We are so happy to have him home and all of the younger children are so happy to have him here too!

Joshua, our 7th child celebrated his 7th birthday on the same day of Bradley's arrival home. So the whole family got to celebrate together! It was a great day. And it was also the twins 6 week birthday.

I love the Christmas season. It has always been one of my favorite times of the year. To be honest though, it really does not feel like the holidays to me. Maybe it is because of the whirlwind of transition we have been through the last month and a half. But I really want to relax and reflect on our Savior and His birth.

The birth of two new babies in our family is really a challenge. I have struggled with a lot of anxiety since their birth. When I shared this with my doctor she told me that I am a strong lady. I said, "If I was really strong I would be "handling things a lot better!" She said, "No. Strength is when you realize you need help and you ask for it. Weakness is when you know you need help and you keep it to yourself."
I guess you can tell I have a great doctor.

Needless to say, I am not one to take medications except a Tylenol or Advil here and there. But now I am on an anti-depressant/anxiety medication to help me until my body gets back to some kind of normal. Why am I sharing this? I think because I just want people to know that we have to give ourselves grace. This is so hard to do especially for women.

We tend to be harder on ourselves than we really need to be. There are so many pressures from without and within our own selves to be this and accomplish that. And I admit that I tend to be one of those people.

For example, when the babies were born, so many people reached out to us. We had food galore brought in by various families, and help with the house and children. Also, we received so wonderful gifts. The babies are 6 weeks old and I have not written one thank you note. Talk about guilt.....I feel guilty because I want all of those wonderful people to know how grateful I am for all of the love they gave to our family. Pressure and guilt....that is enough to make one anxious.

I know I am not alone in how I am feeling. Christmas is a time to focus on the Lord. However, the simplicity of the season and the joy of it all seems to get smothered under all the pressures we put upon ourselves.

So my prayer is that I can just let go of all of this and just savor the beauty of the Lord. This is my prayer for all mothers....that our joy will be full!

For those of you reading this who have reached out to our family during this time...your words of encouragement, your gifts, your time and service means more to us than you may realize. I say thank you! And may God return to you in a special way all you have given.

Merry Christmas with much love!

Ange

Gallery of Blessings!

2009-12-08T06:23:00.000-08:00

We are having a wonderful week. My parents flew here from South Carolina on Saturday to be with us and to support us during this time. Here they are holding the girls!
They have been such a blessing. It is so comforting having my Daddy and Momma here. I am so grateful they came from so far away to spend time with us and to be such a huge help!
Daniel and Timmy.
My arms are full of blessings!
I love those little baby heads!
Joshua is holding Lizzie. Heather and Daniel are close by waiting for their turn to hold one of the babies!
Here is Pa with Timmy and Heather.
As you can see Ma and Pa are grand kid magnets!!
Ma with Jamie, Daniel and Heather.
Our lovely Sara with Lizzie!
These are two very handsome sons....Tommy and Kerry.
Tommy playing guitar. He taught himself how to play! I am very proud of him.

The children are all snuggled up with Pa on the floor as we are listening to Tommy's beautiful music!

Thank you all again for your continued prayers, blessings,and kind words. Things seem to be getting better gradually. Lizzie and Maggie are gaining weight rapidly. Lizzie is now 5 lbs 13 oz. and Maggie is 6 lbs 11 oz. They love to eat and they love to snuggle!

I am slowly feeling better. The migraine headaches are not as frequent and my sweet husband has been feeding the babies a lot at night so I can get more sleep. What a dear man he is!

Sending love and blessings!

Ange

My World has Been Rocked

2009-12-02T12:20:00.000-08:00

MAGGIE AND LIZZIE
Yes this about sums it up. My world has truly been rocked. As I rock one baby the other baby is asleep. And as the other baby awakes, the other has just fallen asleep. Poops usually happen at the same time, but not always. Seriously, caring for newborn preemie twins in addition to all of the other children has turned my life upside down like a salt and pepper shaker being forced to get that last little bit out to adequately season the food. Never before did I think about how different things would be caring for preemies who have to have every drop of their milk measured to make sure they are gaining enough weight. And we wash bottles change many diapers,make bottles and I try to pump breast milk in between everything else.

Yes, rock me some more... my new life. And I know that there is a "new normal" ahead for us. But right now it does not seem like there is a new normal any where in sight. Now all this might sound like complaints to you the reader. But please do not misunderstand. Feeling overwhelmed does not mean I am complaining. For me it is just the opposite. I am overwhelmed by these challenges, but I know that God knew ahead of time and He will give me the strength and grace to go through this time with joy. I look at these two sweet babies and all the other children we have been blessed with and I am overtaken with amazement at the goodness of God. I prayed and asked the Lord for another baby. He saw fit to send two little angels into our family. My dream came true.

Maggie and Lizzie are both sleeping right now. And a young lady whom I hired to help me this week has taken the little ones to the park. It is so quiet in the house...but I know not for long. I must keep this post short. Anyway, I just wanted to do a very quick update to let all of my blogging friends know that we are doing fine. MAGGIE

LIZZIE

Both of the girls are pretty peaceful babies. They only cry when hungry,have a dirty diaper or want to be snuggled...and they are VERY snugly!And the most wonderful feeling is cuddling them at the same time! One baby in each arm.

It is so interesting how exited I have been over something seemingly as trivial as weight gain in the babies. We are having to take them weekly to the doctor to have them weighed. Lizzie was gaining very slowly and she was the smallest twin. However this week she gained a lot of ounces and her doctor was very happy.

We are not getting much sleep. And I have to give my husband a lot of credit as many times he gets up with both twins so I can rest. Having a c-section has really thrown my body off and it seems to be taking my body longer to repair this time.

Well, until next time....my blogging moments are few right now but I will post notes and photos as much as I can. Thanks to you all for checking in and for your ongoing words of blessing and encouragement!

Love,

Ange

Trusting Again

2009-11-23T06:10:00.000-08:00

Here is a another snugly photo of the babies. On the left is Maggie. Lizzie is on the right. Tommy, our 17 year old, is doing really well getting some great pics of these sweeties.
There have been many lessons learned in this season and I know there are more to come. One thing the Lord is showing me is that I can trust Him in others. Honestly, our family went through so much stuff over the last few years, we had really lost trust in people. God never commands that we trust people. However, He chooses to work in and move through people. The lesson...there really are individuals out there who are good and want to love unconditionally.

In the photo above is our 17 year old son Tommy. He has really been a little man in this time. Here he is reading to his younger siblings one of the evenings I was at the hospital with Maggie. I am so proud of him. He took care of all the children while I was in the hospital the first few days.

There has been a change for the good in our home...especially with the teenagers. Their hearts are more tender and they jump to help do anything we need assistance with.
Here is Heather holding Maggie.
Joshua with Lizzie.

Another lesson I learned is that God will move through anyone He chooses. Most of the time it happens through those we least expect. There is a purpose in that as the Lord wants us to know that it is ultimately His hand in action through the life of others. In addition, we can trust Him in people if we will keep an open heart. And if we are let down or disappointed in a person, He is great enough and good enough to take care of us anyway. He is good, good, good!!

When I was in the hospital, the Lord showed me that I had lost trust in others overall. I did not trust the doctors, nurses, and even those around me that I know. I was terrified of anesthesia, surgery, and amnios. I had all three and was forced to face all of these.

As the doctor was pulling the babies out, the anesthesiologist told me that I needed to trust them. I guess he somehow picked up on my fear and distrust even though I was quiet through the whole thing. However, I did tell him beforehand that he better not to let me die since I have 11 children that need me! I wonder how many times he has to listen to statements like that...bless his heart.

Looking back over it all, I see that the Lord took good care of me in the hospital those 8 days and He also protected our baby girls. He did mighty things through a wonderful staff at Chandler Regional Hospital. I also made some sweet new friends with a couple of the nurses there. I really felt like a queen there. One the sweet ladies on staff gave be massages. All of my nurses worked so hard to help me feel comfortable as I was so sick from the medication. And the NICU staff were so thoughtful and respectful to John and me. They also took excellent care of our little girls.

People that we do not even know have come out of the "wood work" to offer help. We have had meals everyday and help with child care. And to think I was worried about God's provision...Oh me of little faith! When will I ever learn that God comes through every time? When will I finally get it?

Thank you again precious people for sharing in our joy! I really do appreciate all of your support and encouragement during this time. Thanks for being a branch of God and for helping me to trust again.

Love, Blessings and Cheer!!

Ange

Two Gether Again!

2009-11-21T10:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a joy filled day. The sisters are reunited out of the womb! This morning we put the girls side by side and they immediately locked arms and turned toward each other.
Lizzie is on the left and Maggie is on the right. It was amazing to see these two little ones together! They seemed to recognize each other!

Here's Heather, Daniel and Joshua...they cannot seem to stay away from the babies...they are always wanting to hold them!
Here is one happy mom! Little Maggie is home at last! What a wonderful feeling. Maggie and Lizzie will be two weeks old tomorrow! Wow, how the time is flying!

This is me with my dear childhood friend and neighbor. She flew here last weekend from San Francisco to spend a week with us! Camille was such a blessing...she helped us in so many ways. I am so grateful to her for taking precious time away from her own family to minister to us in such a great time of need. Camille, you are a gift!

Just wanted to share some more joy with you all!

Love to all,

Ange

Maggie is Coming Home

2009-11-20T06:30:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week I felt down and discouraged. The doctor had to put a feeding tube into Maggie as she was having trouble getting all of her caloric intake. She was also having drops in her heart rate. Immediately I sent out requests for prayer. There have been prayers offered all over the U.S from East to West. Wow! I am amazed. The day after I sent out prayer requests, I began to receive emails from so many to let us know that they were praying. At the end of the day, there was already vast improvement in Maggie's condition. She started getting hungrier and could not seem to get enough to eat. And thankfully there have been no more drops in her heart rate.

Today is Friday and we are bringing her home late this afternoon. She had to pass a car seat test. This is where the nurses put a preemie baby in the car seat for one hour to make sure she can tolerate it and the drive. Maggie passed with flying colors.

Well, it sure will be interesting to have both of these little tidbits home!! There is not much rest in store for us, but I am so excited to have them together again. Maybe they will sense and know they are together again as they really played together in my belly. The good thing is that Maggie can no longer sit on Lizzie or kick her. At least for now. Maggie seems to want to rule the roost...sorry Lizzie!! I just had to add this photo of Lizzie's head. She has not had one bad hair day yet!!! Next time I post, I will have many more photos! So keep checking back!!

Thank you all again for your continued prayers and kind words! You truly have been a blessing. Your prayers were answered speedily!!

Blessings and Love,

Ange

A Great Day, November 8th

2009-11-18T07:03:00.000-08:00

Margaret Lindy. We call her Maggie.

Elizabeth Joyce. We call her Lizzie.

On my 45th birthday, I was admitted to the hospital for premature labor. I had gone for a regular check up and was planning to go to one of my favorite restaurants for my birthday dinner. I left the children at 4 p.m. and did not come home until 8 days later. I had a plan for this birth...but God had a different plan. Now that we are on the other side of this experience, I now realize that I would have had it no other way. I have been learning so much through this experience.

Lizzie and Maggie were born on November 8th! What an amazing birthday gift...I am stunned by God's goodness. The girls are premature as they were born at 33 weeks. Lizzie weighed 4 lbs 14 oz. Maggie weighed 5 lbs 6 ozs. I cannot comprehend how so much beauty can be wrapped in such tiny packages.

I have so much to share...so many stories about this season of our life. However, I will need to do it in small increments as not only am I tired,but very busy. Above are two photos taken in their first days of life. Maggie has had a much more difficult time and is still in NICU. Lizzie has been home for 4 days. Maggie is getting stronger by the day.

My time and heart have been divided over the last few days between having babies in two different places. I do not get much time with Maggie.

I try to do Kangaroo care with Maggie as much as possible. This is where you put the baby's bare skin up against your bare skin. Maggie is under my shirt here.

And of course we are so thrilled to have Lizzie home. She is such a quiet little girl...sleeps and eats well!

Well, this is all I can do today! I am exhausted but my heart is brimming over with joy. Check back soon for more details. I have so many testimonies to share! Thanks to all of you who have fervently prayed on behalf of these two sweeties. I so appreciate your kind and encouraging words you have left on my blog! And thank you also to those of you who have sent so many emails to let us know that we have been in your thoughts!!

Love and Blessings!

Ange

Taking a Break

2009-10-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Bloggers,

I want to thank you for being such wonderful friends! I sure do appreciate those of you who regularly read my blog because you care for me as a person and a friend. I know there are those who check here often as spectators and that is okay with me if they are encouraged in some way.

First of all, everything is going okay so far with the babies. I have another doctor's appointment next week on the 4th which will also be my 45th Birthday. I am happy I was born. I am mostly happy because I have precious family that I have the privilege to love on and care for. Yes, that is the main reason I am happy that God saw fit to knit me together in my beautiful mother's womb.

Our family is going through an unexpected crisis that I cannot share at this time. We are broken and hurting. To those of you who truly care and pray for our family, we would appreciate your ongoing and possibly increased prayers during this very difficult and perplexing time.

Because of this stressful time, I have decided to take a break from blogging. I will keep you updated on the twins as they are due on December 23rd. However, my doctors believe I will go into labor way before that.

If you feel prompted to pray, please ask the Lord to bring peace and strength to us . We need His wisdom and patience. We need comfort and encouragement. We need people to come along beside us who will not judge but help us during this time. Friends are pretty scarce at this season in our lives.

Sending blessings and love to all. And I will be back in the right time!

Ange

The Goodwill Thrill

2009-10-25T14:19:00.000-07:00

(click on photos to get a closer look!)

I know what the Dr. said! No more going to the store. But folks I am going stir crazy. This morning I decided to check out our new Goodwill store just down the street...just to get out of the cabin for a spell! I thought I might try to find a couple of gowns but with no luck. BUT...I did find these! We still needed a bumper pad for the crib. It is on the left. It only cost $5.99 and looks like new. I also found this matching set which includes the crib skirt, diaper holder, and 3 padded wall hangers.
I am so excited! The ballerina wall hangers were only .69 each!! The crib skirt was only 2.99 and the diaper holder was only 1.99! And they all look new. I would have paid over $100 for all of this in the retail stores!
I also found a bag of sweet girlie goodies for 2.99. Inside were bibs, burp clothes, socks, and two sets of booties. Here is one of them! So cute!!
And here are the two sets of booties along with pretty head bands for the girls. I ended up with a set of 10 for $4.99!!
And here is big sister Heather sporting the girlie head bands! She is excited about her new baby sisters who are soon to arrive.

Thanks for letting me share my fun and excitement with you! It really is a wonderful feeling and brings such a great sense of accomplishment to find such pretty things for such little money! YIPEE!!!

Blessings everyone!

Ange

2009-10-24T17:51:00.000-07:00

We had a pretty productive Saturday. The teenage boys took the younger children outside to clean up the yard. Then the older ones mowed, pulled weeds, and trimmed trees and shrubs. Hubby went grocery shopping at two stores. He saved 100 dollars and only spent $100!! YIPEE! Basically, I just delegated and told every else what to do since I am off my feet for the most part. I cut coupons and made lists.

This is one of my favorite cookbooks. As I am writing this, John and the teenagers are making plates for dinner. And we used two crock pots early in the day to save on time and stress.

My 15 year old cooked three pounds of ground beef and put it in one of the crock pots. He added water and 3 packages of taco sauce. It has been simmering all afternoon and the house smells delish!! John is chopping up tomatoes, lettuce and onion for the tacos.

Around 4 o'clock this afternoon my 17 year old son used another crock pot to make this yummy recipe !

Cheese Dip (from the "Fix and Forget It Cookbook")

2 8oz. pkgs. cream cheese softened
3 15 1/2 oz. cans chili (we used Hormel with beans)
2 cups shredded cheddar or mozzarella cheese
tortilla chips

Spread cream cheese in bottom of slow cooker.

Spread chili on top of cream cheese.

Top with shredded cheese.

Cover. Cook on low 1-1/2 hour until cheese is melted. Stir.

Serve with tortilla chips.

YUMMY!

I had a sample earlier and it is so good.

Well...gotta go. The family is waiting on me. There are all at the table and I do not want to miss supper!!!

Talk to you later friends!!

Ange

Quick Update

2009-10-23T17:44:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to thank the few of you who are praying...God has heard. Fluid levels in the babies' sacs have dropped from border line high to a normal reading!! I really appreciate those of you who have taken time to pray for me and the babies! Hopefully, I will not have any visits to the doctor next week! Have a great weekend and bask in the goodness of God!

Love,

Ange

A Walk is Simply a Walk

2009-10-23T08:41:00.000-07:00

I have been pondering a lot on different things I have experienced in my journey with the Lord. As you can tell, I am drawing on Him alone right now...leaning, trying to rest, trusting,and relying on the One and only true God. He is real. He is active and attentive. And His strength is perfect in all weakness.

To walk with God is simply a walk. It is amazing how we can become so caught up in religion that we loose the beauty and simplicity that Jesus wants to bring into our lives. When I think of a walk, I think of an uncomplicated activity. He just wants us to live simply as we travel the ordinary road of life. He loves to live and walk with us when we are just going about our way.

I have spoken with people who claim to see angels everyday. And then I have cried out in envy because I do not see them. I hear about supernatural occurrences and I wonder why am I not living in the supernatural each day. Is something wrong with me and my family that God would not come near enough to reveal Himself to me in this way?

Then I realize that the enemy of my heart would try and use anything against me to accuse God and try to make me think I am missing something, thus discouragement sets in.

But what about just a simple walk? Is there a miracle in that? And the Lord says yes! He says the ordinary journey of an ordinary person who walks with me is living in the wonder of miracles each day. Companionship with the Lover of my soul is the miracle that I should seek and live.

Many are being taught today that we should seek the sensational experiences of God. If I seek sensationalism, then maybe I am making it an idol instead of living with contentment in knowing that the Miracle Maker lives in me and with me each day in my simple and ordinary tasks. Oh think about the miracles in that!

So many believers, including myself have sought to find the glory on mountaintops, but there is a work in the valley that is also glorious and there is a Light that shines even when I walk on the level paths of simplistic living. We walk in all places...the hilltops, the flat trails, and through the lowest of valleys. The point is not so much where we are walking, but Whom we are walking with.

Lord, walking with You simply, ordinarily, and without complication is the cry of my heart. I do not seek your miracles...I seek Your heart and Your mind. I seek not sensational experiences from the heavenly realms, but I only seek to stroll beside You moment by moment. To hold Your hand, to hear Your whispers, and to enjoy Your smile.

In Jesus Name!

Update! Speaking of walking, I have to giggle...I am not really walking these days...just wobbling! I had a doctor's appointment yesterday with a fairly good report. I am doing well except my blood pressure has crept up a little. So, here is one more thing the doctor's will have to watch over the next few weeks.

With multiple pregnancies,blood pressure is always a factor because there is so much stress on the heart and the body of the mother. The doctor said she does not expect me to go past 34 to 35 weeks. But only the Lord knows! I am just praying for fully developed lungs for both babies.

Today I go to the specialist for the fluids to be checked with both babies. I am hoping for a good report. Thank you to those who have been praying and checking on me. Your thoughts and concerns mean more that I can say.

I will probably be posting another update this weekend, so check back.

And remember, wherever your feet take you this day, may you walk in the miraculous beauty of Your Saviour's presence!

Love,

Ange

Lessons from the Heavens

2009-10-21T07:58:00.000-07:00

There are more stars in the sky, than grains of sand on the seashore.

http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=539329

The Heaven's are Your canvas Master Artist. The Earth is where You want to display the works of Your love!

(This video is 7 minutes long but worth the view....so peaceful. Spend 7 perfect minutes with Your Lord!)

Well, preggy mommy was wide awake at the wee hours of the morning with leg cramps. So, my sweet hubby turned on the hot tub out in the backyard. Pregnant woman are not supposed to get in hot tubs because the high temps are dangerous for babies. So we turned the temperature of the water down and I just sat on the edge with my legs in the jets.

The night temperatures here in AZ are getting cooler but not cold. It was in the 60's and the air was crisp. The stars were so bright and there was actually a meteor shower. As I sat in the quietness of the night, I saw 5 meteors shoot across the glittery sky. At first I did not spot any. However, you have to wait for at least 15 minutes to allow your eyes to adjust to the dark. The strangest thing about observing the sky in hopes of catching a few "shooting stars" is that 4 of them I saw out of the corner of my eye..not directly. I spotted them with my peripheral vision. Being the contemplative person that I am, I had a thought.

To focus on one point helps our vision to expand....at least in the heavenly sense. When I learn to be still, wait, and focus solely on the Lord, He enables me to see much more than I ever could imagine. By setting my eyes on Him, my vision expands and my spiritual eyesight is clearer. Through Him, I can see many things. Through Him I can understand and have a deeper perspective of life. Through Him, I can see the hearts of others and feel their hurts so that I can seize an opportunity to encourage them. By setting my sights on the one STAR of all creation, my blindness is healed and I can drink in His beauty and feel His heart. By soaking in the Light of our wonderous Star, I am filled with peace. There was not much sleep for me during the night. However, I am happy I was able to have that quiet time in the beauty of the night as meteors danced across the sky like diamonds.

So as I focus on Him today, I expect to see and notice many things. And maybe I will not be distracted by trivial matters.

The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows His handiwork." (Psalm. 19:1)

The Art of Losing Myself....From the Inside Out

2009-10-16T08:44:00.000-07:00

This powerful Hillsong worship piece has been playing over and over in my head for weeks now. And I know why. If you watch and listen to the lovely video above, carefully read the lyrics as it plays. There are some phrases that really are applying to me in the season of my life. Here are the lyrics. And I cannot help but raise my arms to my merciful God every time I listen!!

FROM THE INSIDE OUT

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

This tune is about the art of losing oneself. And boy has the Lord been confronting me on this issue lately. Sometimes I think I have grown and matured so much only to find that I really need more of his tender work in my heart. The Lord shows us the hidden flaws because He wants to purify and soften our hearts. We all hear this truth and know it. However the reality of it is often not genuine until we are living it. One of the phrases of the song says, "Your will above all else, my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing You praise."

Wow, think of that. "The art of losing myself!" It is about control. Is about relinquishing what "I think" and allowing myself to listen to what the Almighty says, embracing His wisdom and instruction, and allowing Him to change me from the inside out.

Last night before bed I was reading a devotion about character. The writer used a photo of an iceberg to illustrate how others usually only see the tip of the iceberg.
However, hidden beneath the depths of the sea is the largest part and often most damaging.

This photo pretty much illustrates what others around us may see or it may symbolize what we want others to see. The tip of the iceberg in the gleaming light...towering tall in its' majesty and in its' white perfection.This really only represents about 10% of one's skill and glory. However, most of the iceberg is hidden below the water line.
The 90% of the hidden iceberg represents our character. It is what dwells below the surface that can sink a ship. So many times we want to portray that we are strong and able. And in our attempt to do so, we neglect our own character...just like the captain of the Titanic neglected the 6 warnings of an impending iceberg. The result was devastation.

God does not neglect the hidden icebergs in our life. He wants to melt them away with His merciful correction so that we do not sink ourselves in our own stubbornness and pride. God is really using this season to confront my own hidden iceberg. That is the 90% that most others do not see.

There is much I cannot do at this time. I have no control over it. I cannot do much cleaning and cooking. I am not able to run my household like I am used to doing. And boy, that lack of control is bringing out some less than lovely stuff in me. In addition, I am seeing that sometimes I do run a ship that is bit too tight at times. God wants there to be order in my home. But He is more concerned about order in my heart.

Now, this is much better. This is beauty under the sea...blossoms in the hidden depths where most do not see. Lord, from the inside out. My soul cries out. Consume me from within so that Your glory may shine without. Melt the icebergs in the sea of my heart and cause your splendor to bloom there.

As the first verse of the worship song says:

A THOUSAND TIMES I'VE FAILED
STILL YOUR MERCY REMAINS
AND SHOULD I STUMBLE AGAIN
STILL I'M CAUGHT IN YOUR GRACE"

What a comfort...a strong assurance to know we are still caught in His grace,
forever in His warm embrace.
All the ice will melt away
should we choose to restfully stay,
to remain and dwell where mercy flows free,
And all that is not of love will melt in me.
Ange Cogburn

Thanks friends for always embracing the good and the bad in me. I appreciate you all.

Love,
Ange

30 Weeks Today

2009-10-14T11:58:00.000-07:00

Okay inquiring minds....NOW you can see how big I am! I am 30 weeks pregnant today with TWO baby girls! Mom and babies are healthy and well.

I will be 45 years old in about 3 weeks! And I will be giving birth to two sweet babies not too long afterwards. It is unbelievable to me. My doctor's appointment went pretty well this week. I had to have a 3 hour glucose test a couple of weeks ago as my sugars levels were high! Thankfully the more in depth test showed that all is normal.

I have NO appetite...even though I look like I am eating everything in sight. In fact I only weigh 10 pounds more than I did before the pregnancy. I lost a lot with morning sickness.

Well, the doctor has put me on partial bed/couch rest and told me to cut back on 50% of my activities. No more going to the store either. I am so thankful for my children and husband during this time. Everyone has pulled together like a great team. John does the grocery shopping and cooks on the weekends. The older children help with meals during the week and help watch the younger children.

Yesterday our 17 year old scrubbed the shower and vacuumed. He has been driving me around a lot too! He took me to get my hair trimmed last night.

And I cannot leave out the younger children who pick up for me and help do laundry. I have so much to be thankful for. We have a little community right in our home. It is so true of the saying that "It takes a village to raise a child." I am thankful for our little community. Things get tough and hairy at times. However, anything worth anything is hard work!

Hidden Treasures...Blooms of Old

2009-10-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

It seems odd that all these recent blogs I have been writing are about blossoms and blooms in my life's garden. And then yesterday I came across a hidden treasure. I came across an old photo frame containing old pictures from my Great Aunt Willie's rose garden. I am not sure how old the photos are, but the frame they were in really did not do justice for them. So I never hung them in my home and really did not know what else to do with them...until yesterday!
So I took the backing out of the frame and cut out the photos. I filed down around the edges and collage around the pictures with vintage designed papers. Afterwards, I took some sand paper and lightly smoothed down the collage around the photos. Then I used vintage tea dye ink as well as black dye ink to make them look even more aged. Lastly, I glued the distressed photo onto various paper backgrounds to help the blooms stand out.
These were placed in 3 simple dollar store photo frames. And I added a little paper to tie in the colors.
Here is another lovely shot of roses from Aunt Willie's garden. Aunt Willie was my Grandfather's oldest sister. She was of such a jovial countenance..always light hearted, friendly and loving! She lived in Abbeville S.C. which was the small town in which my Granddaddy was raised. I always enjoyed visiting Aunt Willie and roaming through her beautiful rose garden.
This is a close up photo of some of the details of my "old made new" creation. I am excited to display these in my home after having the photos put away for years. You can actually click on the photo to get a closer look.
Here is the entire trio. I made them yesterday afternoon while the little ones were resting. I should have been napping....but I am so restless these days. I do not understand it. Anyway, I am having fun just doing little creative stuff like I did when I was a little girl. I used to love to make things. If I did not have craft supplies, I would scrounge around in my room and find things to make.

I do not know why I am thinking about blooms, blossoms and roses in this season. After all it is autumn. Maybe if we look close enough, there is a little bit of spring time in every season. For our family, we have had many new beginnings lately and there are more on the way. Maybe that is why I am thinking "bouquets, flowers and blossoms"!

Two of My Favorite Blooms!

2009-10-10T09:57:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to find these two beautiful photos on my computer! It was like I awoke to my life's garden and found two wonderful blooms that have thrived in my life for over 44 years. These blossoms are my precious parents! (Daddy I hope you do not mind me calling you a flower!) I realized this morning that I have not seen my parents in over a year. And I as look at these photos I see a couple whose beauty has only grown with age. Look at them! All I have to say is that I hope I look that good should the Lord see fit to keep me on this earth for 20 plus more years!
Yes, two of my favorite blooms that have been in my garden for all of my life! And I miss them more than I can say.

Many times I did not notice their beauty,
And have taken them for granted.
But as time has passed, they have remained
steadfast and faithful,
Deeply rooted in all they believe.
Loving one another
And those around them
Without broadcasting and announcing
All the gifts they possess and share.
They have given mostly in hidden places.
Where others around them did not see.
They have loved and still love without reservation.
And the vibrancy of their blossoms
bestow joy and lovely hues into
the hearts and lives of those who dwell among them
in the rich and lush soil
of life's lavish bouquets.- Ange Cogburn

I love you Daddy and Momma. I honor you both today and appreciate you more than you know! (especially since I now have teenagers! smile) Thank you for being who you are. May God continue to pour His many blessings upon your lives!! You both are a blessing to many!

With gratefulness,
Ange

Nesting, Resting, and Reflecting

2009-10-04T14:02:00.000-07:00

This morning I was listening to some songs of restful peace for women called, "Quiet Hearts". The photo above is enclosed inside of the CD. Look at this woman's hands. They are not young, but show signs of age and weathering. This woman has obviously worked with her hands. And look at what she is holding....wheat.

OH THE WOMAN
WHO HOLDS CLOSELY EACH DAY
THE SUSTAINING AND NOURSIHING BREAD OF LIFE
AS SHE GOES ABOUT HER WAY
SHE KNOWS WHEN TO WORK
AND WHEN TO STOP AND REST.
WITH THE SHADOW OF THE LORD
CLOAKED GENTLY AROUND HER
SHE LIVES DAILY IN HIS BEST! -Ange Cogburn

Today my heart is full. And yet I am exhausted. But within my spirit there is great energy. I do not know how to describe it.

And I believe I must be nesting already...Last night I was up late. In fact it was 1 a.m. before I turned in. The house was so quiet and peaceful. And even though I was not sleeping, I was resting, nesting and reflecting all at the same time. I washed baby clothes and folded them. Also I worked on some little baskets for the girl's belongings. As I sat, I felt so relaxed, but my hands were very busy. And best of all, I enjoyed my Father's presence in the stillness and whispers of the night! If you notice in the photo above there are three eggs. This is a symbol of some things happening in our home...three new eggs are getting ready to hatch. Keep reading to find out more!
This morning when I woke up it was 9:20 a.m. John was up and my breakfast was made. I hardly ever sleep this late. But my sweet hubby let me rest. Last night when I went to bed, I reflected on what a sweet husband I have. On his day off yesterday, he was running around like Mr. Mom...making meals, buying groceries, running the kids to and from the library. Sometimes I take him for granted...I am very blessed to be married to such a kind and loving man.

My friend Tausha sent me yet another adorable photo of twins this morning! This photos reminds me of the little bird's nest with eggs...a nest full of blessings! Precious life. Significant. Important. Even within the womb. Even as just a life planned within the mind of Almighty God!
Now here is the newest news! I am nesting for the hatching of a "third egg". Not in my womb but in my heart and from the hidden place of many prayers. We found out last night that our oldest son (on the right in photo) is moving out to Arizona to live with us. I actually had a dream about a month ago that he moved back with us and was going to college. Maybe my dream is coming true? We are over-joyed! Our whole family together again!! And what is even more special is that he wants to come...he wants to be with us when the babies are born. He just simply wants to reunite with our family!

I know I am skipping around a lot in my blogging today. But that is how wound up I am. I keep thinking about this, thinking about that...what a busy, busy mind I have right now. Here is a photo of the little baskets I was up making until 1 a.m.!!! I bought several of these at Walmart for $2.50 each. I also bought some wide pink ribbon and some scrapbook stickers. I weaved the ribbon through the holes in the baskets and tied a bow in the front. Then I embellished them with stickers. We are using these instead of a dresser since the babies' nursery happens to be the master bedroom closet! We have the crib in there with the the shelves cleaned off. It is really looking cute so far...so cozy like a safe little haven...a little nest.
Also yesterday, we received a box from my dear parents in the mail. Enclosed were some really nice polo styled shirts for John and they all fit! Also there were two pair of flip flops for me. And by the way, Momma they fit! Never can you have too many pairs of flip flops in AZ! And tucked between all the goodies was a small gift wrapped box for Lizzie and Maggie with the two adorable pairs of booties!! Of course I plan to pack them in my suitcase for the hospital! Thank you Daddy and Momma for everything!

And here is a perfect ending to my post! After we talked to Bradley last night and found out he is moving out here with us, we went back to Tommy and Kerry's room to find our little Timmy sitting on the floor in front of the keyboard. Tommy has a button on the keyboard that plays "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" Timmy must have sat there for almost an hour singing it over and over. I thought my heart would burst for joy! What a great day...The blessings are endless...

When we ask Timmy, "What is your favorite color?" He always replies, "Rainbow!" He never specifies one color. He must just love them all! And I am right there with him! The colors of each of my family members are beautiful! Their personalities, their gifts and talents, and the different stages of life they are in ..all are valuable and priceless!

Thanks for reading my LONG post! But when there are so many blossoms to share it sometimes takes a while. Take some time today to reflect and to rest. There may be some hidden buds you have not noticed! Before you know it they will be blooming before your very eyes!

GRATEFULNESS IS THE GARDEN BED FOR ALL OF LIFE'S ABUNDANT AND ETERNAL BLOOMS!
Ange Cogburn

Sending my love and best wishes to family and friends near and far!

Ange

P.S. Do not forget to watch the video below!!

P.S. HAVE YOU STARTED YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING YET? I JUST POSTED NEW HANDMADE GIFTS FOR UNDER $10.00!!!! CHECK OUT MY BLOG SHOP BY CLICKING ON THE BLOG SHOP LINK IN THE RIGHT HAND COLUMN!! YOU CAN EMAIL ME ALSO AT angecogburn@cox.net for any questions about any of my gift items! Thank you!!

Blooms and More Blooms!

2009-10-02T07:48:00.000-07:00

Well, it is difficult to share just one bloom out of my little thriving garden! I hope you read my post from yesterday about my friend Meri and how the Lord is tending to my garden of friendships! Today, I have more blossoms to show you!

I am amazed over and over at how God continues to express His care and interest in the details of our lives. He even sees fit to provide hair cuts for my sweet boys who were really beginning to look like "boogars"!!!! And I did not even have to put the children in the car to take them to the salon! In this photo you see my friend Pam who lovingly offered to come over and cut the boys' hair. She spent almost the entire afternoon trimming and cutting! And she was so patient with them all. I just love this precious lady! God is good, good, good!! This lady is amazing...wonder if she is really "Wonder Woman"! She has four children, home schools, keeps a lovely home, is always serving others, and rides a really cool motorcycle!!
Here is Timothy after his haircut. I hated to see his curls go, but I think he looks even sweeter now with his precious new haircut!
Timmy is such a poser!
And here is our handsome Jamie who is now ten years old!
Joshua before the big cut!!
And Joshua after! He still has those precious pudgy cheeks at age 6 (almost 7)
Here is Daniel after his haircut! Such a handsome little guy too!
And Daniel in the middle of his haircut...If he was a bit older he could be in a "boy band"! He looks like he could almost be one of the Jonas brothers! LOL!
Timothy, Joshua, and Heather. Heather did not get a haircut...we are letting her hair grow back out after Joshua gave her a cut on one side several months ago.

This is Amanda. She is Pam's daughter and also a good friend to our son Tommy. I want to thank her for taking such precious photos of the children! She took all of these pictures! Thank you Amanda! You are very gifted!

And I cannot leave out my son Tommy who is also a growing and thriving photographer. It brings my heart so much joy to watch young people pursue the gifts God has placed within them! Tommy is such a trooper. He has taken most of the photos on my blogs and he does a great job! He took both photos of the blooms in these last posts!

Well, I am really counting my blessings as you can tell! And of course there are more blossoms in my garden I have yet to share. However, I am sure you will find sprays of blooms all across my blogging room as you continue to follow me along!

Thanks for your visit, and do not forget to stop and admire the blossoms in your garden!

Love,
Ange

Blooms Amongst Us

2009-09-29T11:19:00.000-07:00

I often think of my life as a garden. Sometimes certain blooms pass away as their season of beauty and life have ended. And then there are times of weariness when I do not even have time to weed my garden. But the blooms are still hidden there. This kind of describes my friendships in this phase of my life. I look around my garden and see where friends who were at one time blooms in my life have just faded away. It is not that they were not a blessing to me in the appointed season, but the blossoms of their presence are no longer there. I recall the beauty of their company and will always be grateful for the joy they brought into my life.

On the other hand, my garden at times has become full of weeds making it more difficult to recognize the vibrant blooms hidden within. The weeds are friendships that were never really healthy or unconditional. However, with time the Master Gardener,my Heavenly Father and best friend of all, is faithful to slip on His gardening gloves and go to work Himself in cleaning up and beautifying my garden in a season in which He has told me to rest.

This is exactly where I am. Much weeding has been completed. And left behind are a few blooms in my garden who are full of color, gentleness, love, and grace. These represent new friends as well as old friends. The new ones I have discovered in the recent desert places of my life. The old friends are some I have had for years . They were always there. They were just hidden for a time.

Today, I want to honor a new friend I met here in Arizona. Her name is Meri. When we first moved to Arizona it took many months to start meeting people. This was frustrating to me and I was trying to cook up all kinds of ways to meet new friends.I even tried some of them, but they did not seem to work. You know we are always told in the world that if you want something to go out and get it. And I still believe this is a wise suggestion in certain situations. However, I continued to sense the Lord say, "Just rest, wait, and stop trying to make things happen on your own."

Therefore over the last year, I have watched my master Gardener weed my garden and plant new blooms. And the new ones seem to be popping up here and there in His timing and in His way. I kind of like it that way. In addition, I have mentioned in some of my other posts about my new found interest and passion of art. One day I was in the book store and picked up two copies of Somerset Studios, a publication of mixed media art. I sent one copy to my artist and childhood friend in San Francisco. About a week later, she contacted me and told me to look on page 3.

This is the copy of the publication I picked up at Barnes and Nobles.

Here is one of Meri's pieces of art within the publication.

So I did as my friend said and looked on page 3. Under the lovely art piece was the name, Meri Wiley of Gilbert, Arizona.I googled her and came across her lovely blog and decided to leave her a comment. She graciously extended an invitation to come over to her in-home art studio for a tour. Needless to say, I was tremendously inspired by all of her creative abilities.

Soon after, my daughter Sara and I took two classes from Meri which just further prompted and motivated me to try new techniques in creating art. Not only has Meri been a tremendous inspiration but she has been a mentor as well as an encouraging friend and support.

I really just wanted to honor her today. This precious lady has endured many hardships along the way, especially in her health. However, I am amazed by her tenacity as well as her perseverance to continue to do the things she loves. She is a successful artist as well as leader because she sows seeds that multiply wherever she is present.

To me, a successful person is one who values the most important things in life, people and relationships, and takes time to invest in those lives in order that they may succeed. Fruitfulness is the badge of this invigorating lady whom I am blessed to know.

I encourage you to check out her blog at www.imagimeris.blogspot.com and check out some of her original arts and crafts. She has invented some of the most precious dolls and mixed media art. To visit her blog and her etsy shop click on the links in the right column. She also has many of her items on sale.

The first time I visited Meri's studio I saw this lovely piece and wanted to buy it. I recently noticed she had it on sale, so I immediately emailed her and asked it she would save it for me until I could get over there to pick it up. Now this lovely mixed media art piece is displayed in my living room!

These are some close up shots of her lovely detailed work.
The "JOY" plaque is supposed to be a Christmas decoration. However, I will probably be leaving it out year round!

Meri's work has also been published in Somerset Studio Gallery. This is another lovely art publication.
This is a photo of one of her many beautiful mixed media art works!

I am so thankful for the precious people the Lord has brought into my life this past year. These are wonderful individuals whom He has handpicked to be a part of my life. Most of my friendships used to be mainly people I went to church with. However, it is exciting to watch God connect me with special individuals from different walks and different places. And I appreciate them as rare blooms in my life.

Strength for Today and Bright Hope for Tomorrow

2009-09-24T23:13:00.000-07:00

I have a sweet friend, Tausha, who lives in Georgia. I have not known her very long, but she is always such an encourager. This week she keeps surprising me with these precious photos of twin girls.
This week has been exhausting physically and emotionally. So just little things like this are like little messages from God to my heart.
I cannot imagine my belly stretching any more than it is stretched. I still have about 8 1/2 weeks to go for the girls to be considered full term. Wow, my belly really itches from all the stretching! I am NOT complaining though...stretch belly stretch!
And I cannot imagine what giving birth to two babies will be like. It boggles my mind to even think of it. Lord, please continue to give me strength for these next weeks. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Thank you for giving me little messages of hope especially on the days when I feel so weary. Your grace truly is sufficient!

Today I Feel......Alone

2009-09-23T12:40:00.000-07:00

There are those days when we are down and feel alone. Then we may feel guilty and accuse our own heart of having a pity party and being self focused. Honestly though I do feel alone today. I am grateful, but discouraged...can both exist at the same time? I guess so because I am experiencing it. And yes, maybe I am having a pity party...but I am human.

Sometimes I feel like people watch because secretly they really want to see you fall so they can say, "AHA...I told you so." You really do not sense that others want to see you succeed and have a fruitful life especially when your life is a bit different from theirs. That is enough to sometimes make me want to shut my heart to all people.

There are really not many cheerleaders on your team when you are a bit different from them. Do people forget that all people have feelings? Others can be so aloof and cold and hurtful.

It is difficult not to become like one of them when I mostly try to be the opposite. I am not one to withhold encouragement. I am not one to judge others for difficulties they are going through. And I try to show kindness to all. No, I am not saying I am perfect, but I do attempt to treat others as I would like to be treated.

Sometimes I feel like people who are supposed to be there for you really have never been. And I have to forgive them over and over. And when I feel alone, I feel so bad for feeling that way. Most people would say, "Suck it up!"

Well all I have to say to that is, "I am a human being with a heart that sometimes hurts." So if someone is telling me to suck it up, then they are not a good friend.

I am learning more and more that people do not want counsel, they want understanding. So I am learning more and more to keep my mouth shut and to listen to the cries of their hearts.

And I have to continue to give....without strings attached, because that is what the Lord does. The world mostly wants to get something from someone. And so many give because they hope to get something back. I do not want to be that way...

So folks there you have it...a heart at home...not always up to par! Sometimes weak, sometimes discouraged and weary, sometimes lonely. I am real....I am me with weaknesses and strengths. To pretend to be otherwise would be a life of lies.

When I am weak, He is strong. So I know my Lord is on stand by. I have called for Him. He will show up soon.

Now on a lighter note! I am such a noodler! Jumping in my thoughts...from here to there....Here is my autumn table! I am such a frugal freak. I bought a 6 dollar silk mum on sale at Michael's. And everything else I pretty much had already! I stuck the little scarecrow in the flower myself. Everything else on the table came from the infamous DOLLAR TREE!!! I love the fall, even though we are still having 100 degree weather here in Arizona, the evenings are cooling down nicely! John and the boys cleaned up the spa this past weekend, so the kids are enjoying getting in at night! And I do not have to give as many baths!!! Oh the terrible Mom I am...smile!

Thanks for stopping by and sharing in my life today! Thanks for letting me be me...simple me!

Love to all,

Ange

Floods of Rain, Waterfalls of Grace

2009-09-22T11:49:00.001-07:00

For about 8 months now I have been writing for a new website called Stage of Life www.stageoflife.com I believe the founder of the project found by blog by google searches or something similar. I have enjoyed being a part of this team so far and have also enjoyed watching it grow.

However, this week, I was having some doubts about whether I should continue to contribute to the site. I wrote to the CEO and expressed my concerns that many of my articles are seemingly "unrelatable" in that our family dynamic is not of the norm and many may not be able to relate to our life style and views about family.

However, I was blessed by his response in that my faith is something that people seek out. The world is looking for answers. And if I can be one who only stands and points my finger to the WAY (Jesus Christ) through my piddly little blogs, then I will gladly continue on. This is my latest post. You can also visit the site at www.stageoflife.com to read many articles about the various stages of life we all find ourselves encountering in different seasons of our life's journey. This week the writers were asked to choose something from the news headlines and relate it to our stage of life. So here it is. Hope you are refreshed!

FLOODS OF RAIN, WATERFALLS OF GRACE

Yesterday's headline news, Southeast Floods Block Highways: Toll Rises to 8. I never really saw any headlines as I am not a big news freak. Okay. I hear your thoughts out there is cyberspace.! Yes, it is important to keep up with what is going on in the nation and the world. However, I try not to focus too much on the negative news which continues to flood our media. It is too distracting, at least for me.

However, when my 19 year old son, who lives 1900 hundred miles away in Atlanta, sent me a text saying that some areas there were under as much as 5 feet of water, this mom went running straight to the weather channel to see what was going on . And of course my prayer line became really busy as well. It is amazing how your imagination can so easily switch gears and you are picturing terrible scenarios with your child smack in the middle of the scenes. Bradley was at work when he texted and all I could see was this small statured young man in his car floating to Lord knows where in that huge, crazy city. And I find myself sending him texts back, "Son I am worried about you! Where are you now? And do not get in that car! Stay where you are! Did you know that it only takes about one foot of water to make your car float?" On and on I go. And he continually responds, " I am fine Mom. I am fine."

I find myself doing this too often. For example, when I do watch the news or look at the paper it seems all I hear and read about is the Swine Flu. So I have to continually battle my thoughts of what could be. Instead of imagining a house full of kids vomiting every where or having to rush them to the hospital, I intentionally have to take those disturbing pictures in my head and discard them like a piece of trash. Also, I have to purposefully remember that there is One who guards my life and the lives of my loved ones. Is He not big enough? Is He not great enough? So why do we make God so small in our minds, in our hearts, in our lives? Why? It seems that we enjoy worshipping our puny mindsets of worry rather than choosing to believe that there are unending waterfalls of grace made available to us each day. We are always so bombarded by negativity in our world that we struggle to trust anyone or anything beyond our own anxieties and worries.

So yes, we face many unknowns and dangers in this life. And they seem at times as violent floods that seem to sweep over our hearts. However, when we choose to believe there are waterfalls of grace, the floods of this life are divided by its graceful force .

So what does the news of the flooding in Atlanta have to do with my stage of life? Probably too much to elaborate upon here. However, I will share a few thoughts. Maybe you can relate..

1. When I find myself wondering too much about the future, I open the door to fear. I do not want to live in fear. My desire is to walk and function in faith.... faith in One who is much more capable than me to look after my children.

2.When I carry burdens of worry such as "what ifs" and dread, the joy meant for me today is stolen. There is a thief who wants us to walk in misery and torment. So I have to intentionally choose to walk in boldness in the face of fear.

3.When I exercise self control, I become, in time and with practice, stronger and better at shedding those flooding thoughts that only drain and exhaust me, making me less than my best.

4. When I choose to trust the One who is able and greater than all others and all circumstances, then I position myself to walk in confidence which makes me an over comer in this life.

So, maybe the headline news stories have a hidden lesson for all of us. They will affect us one way or another. However for me, I find that when I make a decision to face my fears of the unknown and place them in the hands of faith, I can walk in confidence, peace and joy each day of my life. My children need to see me living this way. They mature and grow more by the impartation of how I live and think more so than the words I speak. And I too need it for me, for my own well being because God wants me to receive the fullness of all His blessings every day of my life!

So to sum it all up, there will always be floods of many sorts that threaten to carry us away and even drown our hearts. However, there is a more powerful source that continually flows and is always available. All we have to do it choose to stand under the waterfalls of Grace. May this be the most noticeable headline of each day!

There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. 1 John 4:18 the Message Bible

Another Birthday!!

2009-09-19T17:20:00.000-07:00

We had another birthday in our family this past week. Our son Jamie turned 10!! I wanted to post this earlier. However, we have had sickness going through our house for about 12 days now. I think I was hit the hardest and am just trying to ride this thing out. All of our little boys need haircuts as you can tell by the photo! I am the family barber so...well....it just hasn't happened!

Monday was a rough day because we were trying to be cheerful and to celebrate Jamie's special day! The children all pulled together and helped with the busy work. Jamie and Daniel made the ice cream cake together and they really did a great job! They used sharp knives to cut up all the candy pieces for the ice cream while I rested on the couch! Sigh! I just had to let go and let them do it that day! Thankfully there were no injuries! And they even did a great job cleaning up afterwards! Great job Jamie and Daniel!

Jamie had a great birthday regardless of all the yuckies going through the family. This week I have been reflecting so much on this little guy's life. He is our 5th child. It seems like a lot of people thought we were through having children as our 4th child was a girl after 3 boys. Some people thought, "Well, they finally got their girl!" Needless to say little Jamie was in the plan! How very blessed we are by his sweet, quiet (most of the time) nature! However, he is full of creative juices!

This past year I have been delighted beyond words to watch him grow in his love for reading and writing! Just in the past three weeks, he read the entire Chronicles of Narnia Series and is now working on the Series of Unfortunate Events collection. We bought him the first two of the set and he has already finished them both.

This past summer, he really wanted to write. So I set him up at the computer and let him go with it! It was such a blessing seeing him typing away at 9 years old. I was having so much morning sickness. However,as I have not been up to par, I watch the Lord still training and teaching my children to grow and excel in their creative abilities. I am constantly reminded of Isaiah 54:13. "ALL YOUR CHILDREN SHALL BE TAUGHT BY THE LORD AND GREAT SHALL BE THE PEACE OF YOUR CHILDREN." The Lord showed me this verse when our two oldest children were only 5 and 3!

Jamie has written several wonderful stories. I wonder how he thought of these ideas. He even has his own signature called, "Jamie's Books Incorporated". Since he has been having such a great time writing, this is what I allow him to do.I do not check the grammar because I want him to just let those story ideas flow without interruption. The grammar will come as we continue to do English classes!

I would like to share one of his many stories. It is in raw form so please over look the mistakes to see the imagination peering through! Also, I was thinking it would be neat for Jamie to have his own little blog in which to publish his stories as he writes! Hmmmm!!

Jamie, you are a gift full of gifts. Dad and I are so happy God chose to place you in our family! You are a blessing and will continue to bless others through your writing and creativity as time passes along! Keep it up son! You shine and others will see!

P.S. Jamie put his email address in his story. I am sure he would love to hear from you if you would like to encourage a future crafter growing in the art of story telling.

THE EGG THAT WAS LOST
By jamie cogburn

1. EGG

Once upon a time there was an egg named Egg. It was either that or he was crazy. now egg was inside a little kids bedroom. His name was Harold and he was six years old. He promised to never let him crack .He hugged him softly so he wouldn’t break.And he would hug him everyday. Now this story was about him. this story will be the greatest story ever. Now sit back eat some popcorn and and enjoy THE EGG THAT WAS LOST. If your confused with this story please email me at www.jujeertaj@gmail.com thank you.

2 BREAKFAST!

Harold time for breakfast!
Okay!

He ran down the stairs, grabbed a bowl and some cereal and he ate.

Wait! He said as he was going up the stairs. he grabbed Egg gently and ate with the egg. When he was done he asked his mom if he could have some toast. Why sure she said.

Oh breakfast! The dad said, running down the stairs. "Oh eggs"
He grabbed Egg and said, "Lets cook this up!"

" Daddy no! that’s my egg!"

"Oh yeah, sorry." He handed Egg back down to him and Harold cried, "Never do that again!"

As Harold ate his toast, Egg was just thinking about himself. maybe some day ill be famous and hot! He thought to himself .

3 TIME TO GO TO THE PARK!

Ok guys time to go to the park!, Mom and Dad said. And they said YAY! And they got in the car and Harold got his egg. daddy drove slowly and Harold put Egg in his egg case so he wouldn’t crack.

When they got there they ate first.

"Mommy?"

Yes Harold.

"May I have some grapes?"

"Sure!" she said handing him some. When they were done they went to go play on the playground.
" Come on egg!" Harold said. Mom was reading How to Lose 100 Pounds in One Day when Harold met a boy named Howga.

"What a weird name!" he said! "Lets play!"

Poor Egg was all alone a few hours as the family had left and the boy forgot all about him. suddenly Howga picked him up.

4 NEW OWNER

Hogwa brought Egg home and gave him a bath. ? he said, "you will be mine forever!" WHAA WHAA WHAA!
Egg felt a cold rush go threw his body. He was kind of scared! What would he do to Egg?

Suddenly Hogwa started to scream, "I have a egg!!! I have a egg!! Yes!!! Yes!!".

after that a dog picked Egg up and he cracked and passed out! Howga just laughed ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Strangely enough, Egg woke up inside another egg. It was an empty body egg. Egg thought," I guess I ended up in a different body!

Then Egg noticed someone was holding him up. It was a kid about 7 years old.

"I don’t think I should crack this." he said smiling.

5 TRYING TO FIND THE REAL OWNER

"I feel something inside telling me that you have an owner." the boy said. "I should put signs up.

So he picked up Egg inside the egg and walked to the window.
" Is this where you live?" He asked Egg. Egg shook around back and fourth as if to say yes.

"I'll take that as a yes!"

Once he put up the posters no one found him but the boy would never give up. He would just wait and wait and wait.

WHERE HAROLD WAS

as you already know,Harold was at the beach and he forgot all about Egg. As he went for breakfast the next morning and saw the eggs his mom had cooked, it reminded him about Egg. Harold stood still in shock.

"EGG IS GONE!" He screamed. "HES GONE! HES GONE!" The parents tried to calm him down.

"Don’t worry! Its just an egg. It is probably cracked by now anyway."

"This made Harold scream more and really hard!

" CRACKED! HHES CRACKED!" This thought made him scream in terror. He was about to explode and crack himself. So Harold's parents put him outside. Slowly, he picked up a rock and asked, " you’re my friend right?"

Harold didn’t like the rock so he put it down and sighed
TO BE CONTINUED
DON’T MISS THE OTHER BOOKS BY JAMIE COGBURN THERE REALLY GOOD MAYBE

THE LIFE OF A BOY NAMED GLOW IN THE NEW LIFE. COMING SOON

THE EGG THAT WAS LOST PART 2. COMING SOON

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MY WORLD. COMING SOON

JAMIES BOOKS INC

I Am Giving Away Goodies!

2009-09-13T20:00:00.000-07:00

When our family moved to Arizona about a year ago we were depleted, stressed out, and tired. My husband, John had been unemployed for nine months with no severance pay. Two weeks before he was let go, I had endured my second miscarriage in 4 months. We were out of money and almost out of hope. However, it was miraculous how the Lord showed up and brought us through that time.

After the move, I resolved to make life simpler. I felt the Lord said, " Rest and let me recover who you are in Me." I enjoyed just fixing up my house, playing with my children, as well as writing and dreaming. Life became simple again.

In the meantime, something new was happening to me. I pulled out a sketch pad and just started drawing out visions of things I felt and saw within my heart. And after much encouragement from a couple of my artsy friends, I began to experiment with mixed media art which consists of combining a little bit of everything and creating something lovely!

Through this season of growing and discovering something new that I love to do, God has met me and healed me of many hurts. It does sound crazy. However, through sketching and creating, resting and taking better care of my own heart, I have found healing that I really did not realize I needed.. It is amazing that our God is not limited in the way He touches and restores our lives.

Just about a month ago, I felt that I wanted to share my new discoveries by opening up a little blog shop for the upcoming holidays (link is in right hand column). The shop is called, "Home and Heart Art Blog Shop". If you have not seen it, I invite you to check it out as I am giving away a few of my items for free. Please visit me there to find out how you can win free gifts.

It is not always easy to display things to the outside world...especially things that truly came from your heart.It can be disappointing when others do not respond. However, I have decided that if I enjoy doing something, I will move forward with it regardless. God gives all us gifts to share with the world. There is so much ugliness in the age we live and we all need to find that splash of beauty which we all possess and share it with the world. It may not seem like much, but you never know how far a tiny gesture, gift, favor, or craft from the making of your own hands and heart will go.

Thank you for allowing me to share a little bit of my own heart with you.

Sending blessings of hope and encouragement to you all!

Ange

Special Gifts

2009-09-12T14:51:00.000-07:00

What I am learning and loving more and more about a loving God is that He cares so much for every detail of our lives. When we moved to Arizona our lives changed drastically. For months it was really difficult as it took so long to meet people. You hardly even see the neighbors in our neighborhood. Today, a precious new friend, Pam, brought these hand crocheted afghans for the girls. Aren't they adorable? What a gifted woman!
A little less than 2 weeks ago, she came to my house, picked me up and we went to Michael's to pick out the yarn. Never did I dream how lovely they would be!
And I am amazed that Pam made both of these in just a little over a week.
Thank you Pam for such a sweet labor of love! These afghans will be treasured forever! I am blessed beyond my words. You are such a loving precious friend and woman of God.

Clinks and Chinks: Stories on Forgiveness

2009-09-11T07:35:00.000-07:00

Clink, clink, clink! Most of us have heard the familiar ringing sound of something sharp or metal being tapped against the side of a glass. For example, you have probably attended a wedding in which the best man is going to make a special announcement or a toast to the bride and groom. The clinking is to say, "Listen up, I have something to speak of which is of great importance! Now quiet! And give of your full attention!"

Then there are the seemingly internal clinks that ring in our hearts and thoughts throughout the day should we choose to take notice of them. Over the last couple of days, there have been several of these little clinking, ringing alarms calling to me.They have been profound yet gentle. And I wonder, "Why?" Maybe I need to be reminded of something? Maybe God is speaking a message for my own life? Well, the clinks that have been beckoning to my heart are drawing my attention to some hindering chinks that are not God's best for me.

Before I expound on what I mean by "chinks", I would like to share a couple of stories. Just yesterday I heard a true account of an elderly man and several teenage boys. These young guys were following behind the man in their car and became frustrated as well as down right angry because they thought the elderly man was driving too slowly. They decided to follow him to his destination. As they aggresively plunged out of the car, they attacked the innocent citizen. They beat him so badly that he lost 10 of his teeth and ended up with over 40,000 dollars of needed dental repair.

Of course, the teen boys were arrested for the crime. As they sat in court with their parents facing the judge and the battered old man, the boys were ordered that they would be responsible for paying the full cost of the dental work. However, the elderly man in his grace and forgiveness chose to give the 40,000 dollars back to the boys and their parents to be placed in a college fund for each of them.

As I listened to this powerful story of forgiveness and mercy, I wondered if I would be so gracious in that situation. This man did not even know these teenagers. And I began to think of how often we all hold unforgiveness and refuse to extend grace to those who have injured us in some way. Sometimes we hold things against others and they do not even know they did something to hurt us. There was no malicious intention to begin with.

Another story that hits closer to home are of my own bouts with unforgiveness. Early in my marriage, my husband did some things that hurt me. We were in divorce court twice in one year and were separated during that time. I had so much unforgiveness toward him that I had resolved in my mind that I no longer loved him. However, through a series of events and difficult choices, we came together and found healing in our marriage. In God's grace we have been married now for 25 years and we love each other more than ever. However, we both had to choose to move forward and forgive one another.

Then there is the story of my only sibling. My brother and I were close in our childhood. However, we both were married and drifted apart. There have been many times over the years when I held unforgiveness toward him because to me it seemed he did not care any longer about our relationship. Just over the past year or so, I began to have these "clinks" or reminders that I could have lost my brother to death many years ago. He was shot with a pistol when he was 12 years old as he and a friend were playing with the loaded weapon. My brother almost died.

Just recently, he had to have surgery on his shoulder. It was not a serious surgery, but I knew he would be put to sleep. "Clink". There went the bell again. I knew I needed to and wanted to call him to say, "I love you!" And we talked as if we were kids again.

Now what about the "chinks" I formerly mentioned? What does this have to do with unforgiveness? Many times when we are startled or awakened by these awakening clinks, the little "ding ding" in our souls, God kindly brings a clear awareness of our "chinks". A chink is a fissure or a crack. When we are hurt or offended especially by those closest to us we take on some of the most painful blows and wounds. The unhealed fractures and punctures are the very "chinks" which hinder us from all the blessings God wants to bestow upon our lives. However, God in His mercy provides the very cement needed to fill those fissures and make us whole again.

As we meditate and recall the excruciating event of the terrorist attacks of 9/11,may we be reminded once again of the frailty of life. I wonder how many people in those buildings left this world with unforgiveness in their hearts? And I ponder and question how many loved ones who lost a loved one that day had unfilled chinks caused by unforgiveness? There may still be many regrets to this day.

As the Lord has been bringing some of my own chinks to the surface so that I may face them, He is being faithful to fill them with the paste of His grace. However, I have been going through the process of acknowledging that "Yes, I do have some fractures of unforgiveness". And I have realized the importance of relinquishing those to the Lord rather than trying to nurse my own brokenness in my fickle and futile strength.

What about you? Have you been hearing any soft or maybe alarming "clinks" lately? Is God gently exposing unforgiveness in your heart? Here are a few questions that may help you to see if God needs to fill your fissures of unforgiveness.

Do you generally feel "okay" about people who have hurt you with no sense of lingering hurt or bitterness?

Do you feel a loving warmth and desire for their success and happiness?

Do you feel an empathetic hurt for their hurts without a private sense of pleasure that perhaps they are getting what they deserve?

Do you miss having fellowship with them and wish you could restore relationships (even if wisdom says you can't)?

If you happened to see them walking down the sidewalk toward you, would you be happy for the encounter, or would you want to cross the street to the other side, or duck into a store to avoid having to meet them?

Are you able to feel comfortable about opportunities of being around them? If invited to a meeting or a party which they are likely to attend, would that spark a joy in your heart for the opportunity to see them, or would you decline to attend?

These are just a few questions to maybe ponder. However, I have to constantly be reminded that wounds will come and once again I will have to choose forgiveness if I want my life to be filled with peace and abundance. Forgiveness is a daily choice and a process we work through as we walk hand in hand with the only ONE who can truly bring healing. So Beloved ones, I am overjoyed that God loves us completely with chinks and all. And that He would even take time to ring out those little "clinks" to remind us of our need of merciful Father who is faithful to fill the fissures of unforgiveness. so I leave you with this question.... Is there someone you need to call today?

Blessings to all!

Ange

Happy Birthday Timothy!

2009-09-07T13:40:00.000-07:00

Wow, I cannot believe this precious little one has been with us for three whole years. Time has gone so quickly. Here is Timmy. He has been playing in the sprinklers this afternoon. Also the older ones have been pushing him around on their bikes.
Timmy has brought our family so much joy! Today we are just hanging around the house. Tommy, our wonderful 17 year old is making chocolate cupcakes for his little brother. Tonight we are going to eat pizza, watch Timmy open gifts, and eat cupcakes and ice cream. I love the simple days and the simple ways. I just love my life. Thank you Lord for your many blessings!

Having a Blast

2009-09-05T15:36:00.001-07:00

I think my body must be starting to prepare for middle of the night feedings when the babies are here. I know because I am starting to have trouble getting to sleep. I also wake up numerous times in the night.

Last night the house was so quiet but I was wide awake. So I just had a good time making these new vintage ornaments (photo above). I really had a blast with these! Anyway, I just wanted to share them with you. To see more detailed pictures you can click on my blog shop link on the right. Enjoy.

Bless you all!!

Ange

And Again I Say Thank You!

2009-09-04T17:37:00.000-07:00

Well I took the plunge on September 1st and opened up my little blog shop. I have been experimenting and working for several months with different art techniques. So I decided to put my self out there and try selling my items. A few of my friends and family members were kind enough to respond to the launching of my holiday blog shop and I want to say, THANK YOU! Thank you for taking time to let me know you took a look and for your words of encouragement.The second day after opening, I sold several of my items. The ornaments seem to be going the quickest.
Here is one of the sets of ornaments I have sold.
This Distressed Vintage Gift Set went quickly too. It is one of my favorites!
So I will continue to add items to the shop. Currently I am making more ornaments. So if you need gifts for teachers, friends, secret sisters, or coworkers, keep a look out.Thanks to all of you who have freely given words of support during this new venture. I really appreciate it more than you know. To visit Home and Heart Art Blog Shop simply click on the link on the side bar.

Blessings to you dear ones,

Ange

A Promise is a Promise!

2009-09-03T08:05:00.000-07:00

"ALL OF LIFE'S HIDDEN TREASURES ARE FOUND AT THE END OF OURSELVES AND IN THE RAINBOW OF HIS GENTLE PRESENCE" Ange Cogburn

This lovely photo was taken several weeks ago by my parents at their home on Lake Greenwood, S.C. That is about 1900 miles away from here. However, this past year I have probably seen more rainbows here in Arizona than I have in my entire lifetime. This seems strange as we do not have much rain here. However, every time we have had a storm, I have seen a rainbow reaching across the heavens.

This brings me to the thought of weariness. What does weariness have to do with rainbows? Well, I think they have much to do with the promises of God. Have you ever felt so weary that you just kind of go limp as if some invisible weight is taking over your entire being? Have you ever felt so exhausted that tears take over uncontrollably and you wonder where the weeping is coming from?

To me, weariness is a sign that one, we need some much needed rest. And two, weariness is a posture of leaning into God to recall and receive His promises. It is often after a storm that we fully realize the toll that the winds and rains have taken upon us. We are disheveled from the torrents and weighed down by the heavy downpours that life sometimes brings.

As a mother of a large family, I often have moments of weariness. There may not be any major storms, but the day to day sometimes can wear me down and bring me to tears. Is this such a bad thing? No. I see it as a good thing because it is a signal that I need to rest more not only in my body, but in my mind and heart. My tears are a reminder that I need to lean more on my Father and less on myself. And in that posture I am reminded of His promises.

Many times the responsibilities of this life drives us to depend mostly on our own strength and we become overworked. But when we learn over time to lean on the everlasting and long reaching arms of God's all sufficiency, the accomplishments we attain are birthed through an overflow of sweet rest rather than toiling and striving of overworking.

So today, I choose rest within and without. May my life be the result of overflowing grace rather than an overworking craze!!

Through the tossing storm,
One of two things form.
Either a push against the wind,
Or a gentle giving in.

Either way there may be tearful flows,
But in Divine rest His beauty grows.
As the streams of weeping emerge,
His strength takes over as a gentle surge.

I am washed of striving and leaning on me;
Ceasing of all doing and learning to just be.
The sunshine of His presence breaks through and I know
That a promise is a promise when I see His rainbow.
Ange Cogburn

A PROMISE FOR TODAY!

ARE YOU TIRED? WORN OUT? BURNED OUT ON RELIGION? COME TO ME.
GET AWAY WITH ME AND YOU WILL RECOVER YOUR LIFE.
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO TAKE A REAL REST.
WALK WITH ME AND WORK WITH ME.
WATCH HOW I DO IT!
LEARN THE UNFORCED RHYTHMS OF GRACE.
I WON'T LAY ANYTHING HEAVY OR ILL FITTING ON YOU.
KEEP COMPANY WITH ME,
AND YOU WILL LEARN TO LIVE FREELY AND LIGHTLY!

MATTHEW 11:28-30 THE MESSAGE BIBLE

BLOG AWARD! A First for Me!!

2009-09-01T11:02:00.000-07:00

I was pleasantly surprised to receive this precious blog award from my friend Karen @onhavingfaith.blogspot.com. I did not even know there was such a thing as a blog award! You can click on her blog link on the side bar of my blog. What was most surprising is that she is the one who is always leaving me comments and encouraging me! I love the way God spreads His love even through blog land. Thank you Karen for thinking of me and for lifting my heart in this way. You are amazing!

"This award is bestowed on to blogs that are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to six bloggers who must choose six more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

So, I am blessing 6 lovely blogger friends with this award:

BETSY @www.thravestalk.blogspot.com THE PEN AND SWORD

MERI @imagimeris.blogpsot.com IMAGI MERI

JENNY @suppliesoverflowing.blogspot.com SUPPLIES OVERFLOWING

KELLEY @kdgardner.blogspot.com THE HEART REVEALED

MICHELLE @blessedsavior.blogspot.com OUR BLESSED SAVIOR

BECKY @blog.successnotsabotage.com SUCCESS NOT SABOTAGE

All of these amazing women are old friends and new. They have touched my life with their love, care, encouragement, and steadfastness. They all come from different states from all over the country. I love them all and I want them to know that I honor them today!!

LOVE YOU FRIENDS!!

ANGE

The Messy House: The Training House

2009-08-28T06:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, these words rang in my heart and mind, "The messy house is a good training house." I asked myself, "I wonder how this really could be?" It seems that in most cases orderliness would be the best environment for training children." However, I seem to be noticing a flip side in this season for our family. Perfection and a militant way of running things is not always the best scenario in certain situations. And many times running a tight ship which is too tight can be more harmful than helpful.

You see, even if I tried I could not have a perfect and neat house at this time. I am off my feet most of the time. So in the midst of the mess, I am learning to rest in it and see God at work. It is not about my effort, but it is about His ability. And sometimes His ability is demonstrated in ways that we would not imagine for ourselves.

I have come to understand that God loves messes. If there were no mess,we would need no God. And if Jesus in the flesh happened to knock on my door today, I believe I would be at peace about inviting Him into my disheveled home. Why? Because there seems to be something special taking place here in my own heart as well as the hearts of my family members. Has there been resistance? Yes! Have they all had a happy heart about everything they have been told to do? Not always! And have I not squirmed and grumbled at times because things are not done to my standards? Well...I confess!

You see, the messy house is causing the muck within our hearts to surface. So if God loves the mess, then He is at work in the middle of it. What more could we ask? Don't we want to be changed and transformed into Christ likeness? If so,then many times we sit in our mess while He enters in and does a clean sweep!

As I watched my 8 and 9 year old working in the kitchen yesterday morning,I was sensing the pleasure of the Lord. They were functioning as a team to accomplish a task. One would unload the dishwasher while the other cleaned the table. Then they switched places as one loaded the dishwasher and the other swept the floor. Surprisingly, they were not fighting or complaining. Then my 8 year old lovingly came over and offered to help my 5 year old set up a computer game. Moments later he saw me up and bending over to find something in the cabinet. He said, "Mom, you should sit down, you should not be bending way over like that!"

The funny thing is, the kitchen was not perfect when they finished, but I knew they tried and that their hearts were happy about helping. This reminded me that God does not want our perfection, He wants our hearts. In being so thrilled to watch the children helping out with happy dispositions, it compelled me to reward them. So we had pizza delivered for lunch. They were so excited and grateful. And all of this simple living helped to me realize once again, that God is not impressed with our accomplishments, but that He rewards a happy heart.

My heart really is at home. And I am totally engaged here. God teaches us the greatest lessons in the seemingly least glamorous situations. And I am thankful because I know He is here helping us in our mess without judgement.

I cannot leave my little blogging nook without also sharing this question and thought. Why would God be so concerned and take so much care in what goes on within the hidden walls of our homes? Because He is interested in our hearts. We are the church. Church is not the building we attend, it thrives in the hidden heart and the walls of our own homes. If mercy and kindness cannot flow in the secret places, then how can we be the true church as we go out into the murky world?

We are not changed by the church we ensue. We are changed by the Holy Spirit who works in the underground soil of our hearts that is not on public display. And as we are trained in the midst of mess, the roots of Christ grow deeper in the places unseen by man and the world. The beautiful result is a towering tree that grows as tall as the roots grow deep. And the fruit that hangs from its branches brings life and sustenance to all who come near its shade and abundance.

So if you are in a messy situation no matter what the setting or state of the heart, take courage in knowing that there is a Person who is waiting to show up in the middle of it. He is not bothered by our messes. He is drawn to it. Yes He is holy, but in Him so are we. And we work together, live together, and take every opportunity to grow in His grace!

DO EVERYTHING READILY AND CHEERFULLY-NO BICKERING, NO SECOND GUESSING ALLOWED. GO OUT INTO THE WORLD UNCORRUPTED, A BREATH OF FRESH AIR IN THIS SQUALID AND POLLUTED SOCIETY. PROVIDE PEOPLE WITH A GLIMPSE OF GOOD LIVING AND THE LIVING GOD. PHILIPPIANS 2:14-15

Introducing Maggie and Lizzie

2009-08-27T20:52:00.000-07:00

Today I had a check up with the perinatologist just to make sure all is going well. Looks like I may be in the doctor's office just about every week from now own. But that is okay with me. I am enjoying watching the girls grow. In these 3-D sonogram photos you can get a bit of a glimpse of them. They are now 23 weeks gestation.
MARGARET LINDY

It is no surprise this little girl is named Margaret. Margaret means pearl. As I think of something so beautiful and rare forming within the hidden folds of an oyster , I think of little Maggie as she seems to hide her face every time I go in for an ultrasound! See how she has her little arm up and her face hidden? The technician could not get a photo of her face. Pretty little modest Maggie!
ELIZABETH JOYCE

Now this little girl seems really feisty. She is strong. She hogs up all the room in my belly. But Maggie is holding her own. In one of the sonograms we saw Maggie kicking Lizzie in the head. Lizzie has a couple of strange things going on. The doctors found a little extra pouch attached to her kidney. And today, I was told that she had an increase in volume the amniotic fluid. This could be the indication of several things. However, I have tremendous peace and know that strength will be the mark of this special little girl. Elizabeth represents promise of God! She is promised. I truly believe that.

So today was quite an adventure. The pregnancy is tiring and I have a good ways to go. But I am taking it a day at a time. The family continues to be very supportive and helpful. Precious new friends here in AZ have blessed us already with clothing and other baby stuff. I received an email from a new friend...Pam. She is coming to pick me up Sunday and we are going to pick out pink yarn as she is going to make matching afghans for the girls. Wow, I am excited! And another sweet friend, Donna has graciously passed along lots of pretty pink girl outfits. God's provision continues to come. We are hoping for a new crib and a good rocking chair for rocking the babies.

Well, thanks for checking in friends. We will keep you posted. And I appreciate your interest in our lives.

Bless you all,

Ange

Monday Morning Random Musings

2009-08-24T08:24:00.000-07:00

It is a sunny morning here in Arizona. Every morning here is sunny. However, the rays penetrate the windows and curtains as though there holds a message in its golden brilliance. Seems as though light is scattering more broadly in my heart bringing greater understanding and abundant peace as to why we are way out West living in this unique and mysterious state. My husband is getting ready to reach his one year mark in his place of employment. It has been a puzzling and somewhat lonely year. Yet God in His providence has a great purpose in this season of our lives. I am seeing glimpses of the blessings unfolding as a rose bud adorned in fresh dew.

The other day, I heard a quote that continues to stick with me. It states, "God does not want our best. He wants our humility so He can give us HIS best." This was a huge moment for me as I pondered this powerful statement. How many times have I prayed to God that I just want to be pleasing to Him? And in my limited logic, I think of all the "do's" I can perform to make me more endearing to my Father.

As we have been adjusting to life in the desert, it has been a wilderness year so to speak. God has provided so much for us in the physical realm. However, there have been many days when my own heart and spirit have felt as dry and cracked as the desert we live in. And I have thirsted and searched for the meaning of it all.

Like an onion, I am being peeled, layer by layer of all the things God has not desired to cloak me. He has been setting me free. And I joyfully look back over this past year with satisfaction that He has done a great work within. Of course He is not finished, but I have come a long way. In a sense, He has brought me into a wilderness to test me and to show me what is in my heart. God does not really give us a test to see if we will fail, but to show us where we have been off and what needs to be corrected. Had He not brought us here, there are so many things about Him I may have never realized. And His greatest desire is that all people would see Him clearly for who He really is.

I am finally in a place where I really do not worry so much if others think I am off in my walk with the Lord. Who am I to answer and explain that to anyone? My companionship with Him is between me and Him. And as each layer of the onion is peeled the aroma has stung my eyes and I have cried plenty of tears as each layer is discarded.

So many times I have felt like God was scrutinizing my every move tallying my actions into two columns. Column one is where He would grant me a mark for doing something pleasing to Him. In column two He would mark all the things unpleasing to Him. And at the end of the day I would wonder if I did enough to be on His good side.

Honestly, I wonder how many others are out there who would be willing to admit that they too have had this warped understanding of the Father's love based on our personal performance rather than His grace and goodness.

I have resolved in my heart that I have always lived in the favor of God. Even when I was not living for Him and seeking Him, I was favored by Him because He was working in my life to draw me step by step into His eternal embrace. However, as I seemingly grew in my relationship with Him, I began to live as though there was some favor line in which I measured my life.

For example, if something went wrong, I would begin to question what I did wrong to bring displeasure to the Lord. And when things were great, I would pat myself on the back thinking I must be living obediently. Dear ones, how wrong I was in my thinking. Now I can say to anyone. "If you are going through hardship, you are favored by God. If you are in a time of abundance and things are going well, you are in the favor of God."

There is no favor line or score keeping with God. His love and blessings are based on "Who" He is, not on the "whats" of my performance. You are in the favor of God, and I am in the favor of God. Why must we walk through each day as though we are on a tight rope or on a bed of pins and needles?

As I am infiltrated more and more by the revelation of His love for me, I shed this binding deceit,and I grow to love Him more. The result is transformation based on a love story unfolding each moment, not a set of regulations that God never created.

Well, you can tell I am seriously expressing my random thoughts this morning. It is like a drink of pure spring water to my parched soul to paint these pictures with my words. The words are like a glue that helps me to paste my thoughts together. My heart is an ocean and many things have laid dormant at its unseemigly unreachable floor. And I know that the random musings will continue and time travels on. So I am off to diapers, dishes, and teaching! This is going to be a great day!

Thank you!

2009-08-18T18:40:00.001-07:00

I just want to thank those of you who responded to my preview. It really means a lot to me. Fortunately I have already sold my ornaments and I will be making more. If you would like to order something early, feel free to let me know. In the mean time, I look forward to sharing more with you in a couple of weeks! Above are some close up photos of the ornaments that were sold today. This set went for only 8 dollars. I would love to serve you in your holiday shopping and planning. Feel free to email me at any time at angecogburn@cox.net.

Gratefully,

Ange

Preview!

2009-08-16T19:54:00.000-07:00

As many of you know I have been spending much time off of my feet due to my pregnancy with twins. We have two little girls due right around Christmas. I have tried to picture what the holidays are going to be like around here for us. First of all I have to figure out how to do shopping as well as getting baby items together. It seems like Christmas and the arrival of Lizzie and Maggie are going to happen all around the same time. WHEW! However, we are VERY excited!

Anyway, I am not accustomed to not being busy. And the doctor has told me to stay off my swollen little "doggies". So I have put my creative juices to work in my sedentary hours in hopes of opening a small gift shop on line. My daughter and I have taken a couple of classes from published artist Meri Wiley who also lives here in Gilbert.Her classes were a delight and she is an excellent teacher. She encouraged me and helped me to get "unstuck" as an artist and crafter and to go to a new level in my creativity. Check out her blog at www.imagismeri.blogspot.com. You can also click on her link, IMAGI MERI on the side bar of my blog page.

On September 1st, I plan to open my first little art shop called "Home and Heart Art Shop". The emphasis of my products is vintage/eclectic type of items you can purchase for your home or for gifts for the upcoming holidays. I wanted to offer beautiful handmade items with an olden flair which are very affordable. Most of my items will be listed for 10 dollars or less. However, I will have a couple of art pieces I also created by hand which I will sell for more. My time and heart went into every piece and the items are treasures that will last for years to come.

I am excited to share with you my first collection of handcrafted gifts. Be on the lookout for my new website September 1st. And remember it is never too early to begin planning your holiday list. Hopefully my services will help to make your holidays a little more stress free. Enjoy the preview!

These are handcrafted keepsake vintage gift tags. These would make a lovely addition to your wrapped holiday gift. Also, they are keepsakes which can be kept for a special remembrance as well as make a beautiful ornament to hang on your tree each year.

This beautiful vintage/eclectic style frame would add a splash of color to any room. It is made from special papers,jewels and ribbons. The frame holds a 5x7 photo.

These ornaments would add a touch of the eclectic to any tree. And what is great about these is that they can be used in your home year around. They are made of a combination of a variety of things, therefore making them "very" eclectic.

This is a mixed collage photo frame with a vintage touch. Do you know someone who has a black and white color scheme in their home? This would add a lovely touch.

This is my first large art piece called "Glimpses". It is made from one of my sketches in which I colored with pencils and painted with acrylics. There is also a combination of various fabrics, special papers, and found items. I finished off the piece with distress inks to give it that vintage appearance.

Here are a couple of close ups of the detailed work of "Glimpses".

In addition to what you see above, I will be offering more unique photo frames, sketch prints, gift tags, ornaments, and hand-made vintage thank you post cards for after the holidays.
I look forward to sharing more with you very soon. Thank you all for being a part of my life and for all of the encouragement you have given in this new venture. I appreciate you all!

Ange

If you would like to receive notification of when the Website is up, please email me at angecogburn@cox.net and leave me your email address. Thanks!

Bittersweet and Bitter....

2009-08-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

The title of this post pretty much explains my day yesterday. The events of the day were a mixture of joyful and sorrowful tears all at the same time. I do not think I have ever actually experienced these types of feelings all at once. Here is what happened.

I had an appointment with a perinatologist because one of my blood tests had come back with a low positive reading for the possibility of Downs Syndrome in one or both of the babies. I have had a tremendous peace about the whole thing as this particular test is not always accurate. However, when I actually found myself in the sonogram room, I began to feel a lot of fear.

I knew I would be there for a long time as the technician would be doing a very detailed examination of both babies via ultrasound. This is called a Level 2 sonogram where the babies are checked and measured all over for signs of birth defects. John was going to meet me at the appointment. But he had trouble with the van and could not make the appointment. So I lay in that dark room alone while my babies were being checked from head to toe.

Every time a wave of fear hit me I just started praying for all of my friends who are either expecting a baby or are trying to become pregnant. This distracted me somewhat. And for some reason, whenever the technician was checking the babies' hearts, I just wanted to look away from the screen.

Needless to say, the specialist came in with an astounding report that both babies look great. No signs of any Downs and they are both growing really well. However, the doctor did find something with Lizzie that is very minor. She actually has an extra little pouch which formed on one of her kidneys. The specialist said on a scale of one to ten with ten being the most severe, it rates about a one or two. However, they are going to keep a check on it. And after she is born the pediatrician will need to watch her to make sure she is not having a lot of urinary tract infections.

I was overjoyed at the overall good news from the doctor. And I know that I have been blessed to receive such great care under well respected doctors. The perinatal office I am going to has some of the top rated physicians in the country!

Now, when I arrived home I was so happy and elated. A sweet friend had sent us some beautiful pink baby clothes and I was having a great time sorting through and admiring them. At the same time I was praising God for being so good and faithful.

Then the tables turned. I had only been home a short while when I received news that a dear friend had been in the Emergency Room. She is about 11 weeks pregnant and had been having some bleeding. The doctor performed an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. So now my precious friend who lives on the other side of the country is at home going through this terrible pain. I too have felt the pain of miscarriage. It is one of the most excruciating things a woman can go through. The tears I cried for her and am still crying for her today come from somewhere deep within me. It is not until one has experienced a certain pain that one can truly partake in another's sorrow with genuine understanding.

So here I am. Aching and hurting for my dear friend. She has already endured multiple miscarriages. And I feel so deeply for her that I laid in my bed last night and wept! Wept because I know what she is feeling. Wept because I still ache for the babies I lost. Wept because I do not understand why a woman with such a tender and open heart to have children becomes pregnant only to have that sweet life ripped from her very being. Wept because I had a good day with good news and my friend did not. It is not fair!! And I wept because she lives so far away and I cannot go and sit with her, hug her and weep beside her.

Last night as I was thinking about my mixed feelings of sweetness and bitterness, I felt like I was given a glimpse of the Father's heart. Yet I questioned Him, "How is it Lord, that your heart is so huge that you can cry with the wounded and yet rejoice with the joyful all at the same time?" And that was me. I was joyful yet sorrowful at the same time.Such a strange feeling. Such an unusual day....of bitter sweetness and bitterness. Yet I slept in sweetness in His arms of Grace.

Thank you

2009-08-11T22:45:00.000-07:00

Thank you everyone for your kind wishes for our 25th wedding anniversary. We had a simple evening out since I am supposed to be resting. It was a nice evening out for dinner at Macaroni Grill. And they gave us a free piece of cheesecake to share with yummy chocolate and caramel drizzled on and around it! Yummy.

Here you can see how much my belly has grown since my last photo. I am now 21 weeks pregnant with two sweet little girls.

God is good.
Good night!

Ange

Household of Faith: Happy Silver Anniversary John

2009-08-11T07:21:00.000-07:00

Happy 25th Anniversary John. The last 25 years have felt more like 25 months. I want to thank you for being such a strong pillar for me over the years. And I want the world to know that we are building a household of faith. Even though many seasons have been really tough and our house has been shaken many times, the strong winds have not blown us down. Today I honor you for the wonderful husband and father you are. And I just want to say thank you. May the Lord bless you in incredible ways this coming year. And I hope that we will have at lease 25 more years together. I love you!
Ange
That beautiful day came and went like an ocean breeze. How simple yet special the entire celebration was. I will remember forever. Here I am with my lovely mother before the wedding. I wore her gorgeous wedding gown.

And here you are with you Dad and the pastor right before the wedding.

Daddy and me at the doors of the church. He was getting ready to release me to you. I remember how much he was shaking and I know I saw some tears in his eyes.

Here we are at the alter exchanging our vows. I remember it like it was yesterday!

It is official and we are filled with joy!!

I was only 19 and you were 21. The future seemed bright. Our journey had just begun.

Below is the lovely song you wrote and sang to me on our 10th anniversary. That was three years after we went through a season where we almost did not make it. But with God's grace, we made it to the other side. I will treasure the song forever. Do you remember you sang it to me again on our 11th anniversary?

HOUSEHOLD OF FAITH

And I will never forget our 13th anniversary when we sang this song together after dedicating our little Sara to the Lord. I weep every time I listen to the words.

Here we are at the start committing to each other
By His word and from our hearts
We will be a family in a house that will be a home
And with faith we'll build it strong

Chorus:
We'll build a household of faith
That together we can make
And when the strong winds blow it won't fall down
As one in Him we'll grow and the whole world will know
We are a household of faith

Now to be a family we've got to love each other
At any cost unselfishly
And our home must be a place that fully abounds with grace
A reflection of His face

Chorus

THANK YOU JOHN FOR BEING PATIENT, KIND, LONG SUFFERING,GRACIOUS,FORGIVING, PROTECTIVE,AND PERSEVERING. I TRULY AM BLESSED!

I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW THAT WE BUILD A HOUSEHOLD OF FAITH.

I LOVE YOU,

ANGE

I Never Stop Learning

2009-08-05T10:46:00.000-07:00

I love to write about things that are going on in my family because recording things reminds me every time that I am not in control. Once again I recall that God has his hand on all of His children. And remembering that we never stop learning about His sufficiency and grace is an indescribable strength to my soul.

I am a woman of God. I am a wife and mother. And I love to do many other things in addition to caring for others. In having a lot of responsibilities, I sometimes tend to lean toward my own strength instead of letting go and allowing greater measures of God's grace to flow in my life.

My hope is that in some way not only will I continue to be reminded of the importance of God's grace but that encouragement will find its way to the heart of another. Not because my life is perfect and all is in order. But because a dependent heart that many times feels weak and vulnerable is a heart where God shows His might and ability. That is the place I want to always be. And if weeping a lot in the midst of my weakness and feelings of inadequacy causes Him to show more of Himself to me, then let the tears keep rolling.

Many people do not understand why my dear husband and I have opened our hearts to having so many children. To be honest, I do not understand it myself at times. But with each child God has brought our way, it has been like a stretch of stress that has enlarged our hearts and arms for more children. It is something that the logical mind cannot contain.Most of the time my brain cells cannot even wrap around it.

The other night I watch a program on the Discovery Channel about a little girl who was born with no face. She had already been through 26 surgeries and was only 5 years old. In constructing her little face, the doctors had to do a separate surgery on her back inserting some type of device to stretch the skin. This extra skin would be used to build up her cheeks helping to give her face a shape.My heart was moved by the courage and strength of this tiny girl and her family.

However, as I thought about the procedure I thought about what a great picture that is of how stress,stretching and pain can enlarge our hearts for more. I feel like God has been stretching the invisible muscles of my heart, grafting me with more of His heart, and placing greater measures of love in me that could never be my own love.

Another lesson I have learned is that loss many times causes your heart to grow larger. In 2007 we lost two babies to miscarriage. The journey of grief is a disguised gift which gives one a greater appreciation of the things that matter in this short time we have on earth. And in our case, our hearts somehow grew bigger to the point where we were willing to open our home to any children that needed one. We had been praying about becoming foster parents when we found out we were expecting the twins.

As we await the birth of two more babies around the holidays, my heart is as swollen as my belly. Yet I have doctors orders to stay off my feet. So as I rest, He shows me more of Him. And I am the student ever more. This has been my lesson in the school of life. God does not give us more based on how great we can handle it alone. He gives us more when we graduate to a higher level of leaning, depending, and running to Him. That is where He is glorified and we are empowered.This is a truth that goes ever deeper with each step we make. It is a truth we have heard.Yet it is never of substance until we live it. May I never stop being teachable and reachable from the grasp of His grace!! Maybe this all sounds "syrupy". But lets face it, the deep things of the heart are the things that beat within the chambers of the Divine Heart. The most lovely heart of all.

Two Baby Girls!!

2009-07-29T10:56:00.000-07:00

Two days ago we found out we are having two baby girls. We were not supposed to have another sonogram until next week. However, I have not been feeling quite right the last few days. I can only stand up for short periods of time without giving out of breath. Also, there was a lot of cramping and discomfort.

Anyway, I called the Dr. and the nurse told me to go straight to the ER. The first nurse that took care of me started talking about how the babies would die if I was in labor. I just resolved to block out those voices. And you would not believe some of the comments and looks we got when we told them we were expecting twins and that they are our 12th and 13th children. A couple of women turned their noses up when they found out I was 44. Wow, the world can be so cruel.

After being at the hospital for 5 hours the doctor discharged me. I was told that I had been diagnosed with a threatened miscarriage. This was really confusing and frightening as all my tests came back great and the babies looked wonderful. The nurse was very vague and the ER doctor never came back in to explain what he meant by "threatened miscarriage." My only orders were to take it easy and call my regular OB the following day.

So I did just that. I called the doctor's office and they told me to come on in. The only doctor there was Dr. Goodman whom I had not met before. I am amazed how God sets things up by orchestrating this immediate appointment to see a humerus, gracious, laid back physician named Dr. Goodman! Get it? "GOOD MAN"!!

This elderly doctor came into the room, examined me, plopped down and just started visiting with us. I mean we had a good ole fashion visit. You know. Like in the old days when most doctors were more personal and treated you like you were a human being instead of one of the cows in the herd? He told us that he is a father of six children and that he himself was the oldest of eight siblings. We could not help but chuckle when he told us that when he was a teenager he did not appreciate all his mom went through carrying all those babies. He said he would cringe at the thought that his mother and father "did things like that." Wow we had some good laughs with Dr. Goodman!

Dr.Goodman also put to rest a lot of the fears I picked up in the emergency room on Monday. He said that the diagnosis of a threatened miscarriage was way off. He just told me I needed to stay off my feet, eat more beef, and get in a swimming pool if I can find one. Well, I can do the first two at least! He had a good time picking at me about my southern accent!

And as I rest, I can think about those two little girls playing together in my womb. They looked so sweet flipping around. They even looked like two little girls playing together as they bounced off of one another every couple of minutes as I watch them on the ultrasound! And what to name those little dolls? We have no idea!

So the journey continues as my belly is the size of a woman who is 28 weeks pregnant instead of 20. Just this morning I was asking this:Does the Lord give me more than "I" can handle? Of course He does! That way I can declare with confidence,

1. His grace is sufficient!
2. His joy is my strength!
3. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength!
4. In His presence there is fullness of joy!
5. He shall supply all my needs according to His riches in glory!

And the list goes on!

Have a great day and have a good belly rolling laugh!!!!

Ange

How Good It is to Remember Continued

2009-07-27T08:19:00.000-07:00

Well it is only 15 days away from the big Silver Wedding Anniversary. Like I said earlier, I have been visiting the past and recalling some special yet simple memories of John and me. I would say we had a very humble beginning. However, as I recollect treasures from 25 years ago, I would have to say that John and I became very good friends in our courtship. There were no cell phones for texting or computers for emailing. And since long distance phone calls were not free in 1984 those were far and few in between the times we actually saw each other.

So letter writing was our way of connecting. I miss this personal and intimate art in which our culture and time has lost. There was something special about going to my mailbox once or twice a week to find a letter from John. And the excitement of running back to my dorm room to read the letter for the second time was exhilarating since I had already read it once on the walk back. I had cute little stationary pads in my room fresh and crisp awaiting the attention of my pen. And as I look back through some of the letters now, I realize that we really encouraged each other a lot during the times we were apart. John was a junior at Clemson University. His class load was the heaviest ever and he struggled that year.Many times he became discouraged and overwhelmed.

I am so grateful we became such good friends that year before we married. And we remain great friends 25 years later. Have there been times when I felt like he was my worst enemy? Oh yes! But he really wasn't. However, we have stuck with it, supported each other, given up for one another, and kept pushing through the times when we wondered if we really would make it.

In the photo above, you will see John standing in front of a waterfall. This is White Water Falls near Clemson. S.C. John took me there on several dates. It was the first waterfall I had ever seen. We loved to go there and sit on the rocks, eat KFC and drink champagne. We would walk, walk, walk, and talk, talk, talk. Even after we were married we still enjoyed finding wooded places to take long strolls. Sometimes we would not even talk.

Another one of my favorite memories was the time John brought me to his Dad's house to cook dinner for me. He made homemade pizzas. I was impressed as he tossed the dough up into the air like a pro. After dinner, we sat in front of the fire in the living room and named the two children we thought we might have one day! We actually used those two names. Needless to say we had to come up with 7 others over the years and are getting ready to name two more babies!! Wow, I cannot help but smile so big right now! Isn't it amazing how life usually never turns out the way we plan? In God's plan, it usually is better than what we dream.

So there you have it. A few memories. Just a small peek into a love story that started 26 years ago and continues to unfold. It is so good to remember!

Happy Birthday Heather Rose!

2009-07-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

Today we are celebrating Heather Rose and her 5th Birthday. I wanted to write a little a post about it because there is something about all of our children's birthdays that is a reminder of the Lord's goodness and kindness through the years. It is as if their very lives represent milestones or markers through seasons which symbolize great things God has done.

All of our children were born at the most "inconvenient" times! Either we did not feel prepared monetarily or we were going through some very trying times financially. We even had one child born in the midst of marital turmoil where we doubted things would work out in our relationship. Unknowingly, we named this baby Thomas. I have to giggle a little when I think of how God has pulled us through many storms and the names of our kids actually tell the story! I could write a book about them all.

Anyway, Heather is five today. Her older sister Sara had her prayer answered for baby sister 4 years and 3 little brothers later!Sara was the only girl of 6 brothers at the time. And she was right in the middle. Now I understand why she is such a strong young lady! I will never forget sitting outside in the grass when Joshua our youngest then was still a baby. Sara was 6. She looked at Joshua and asked in her "whiney" little voice, "Joshua, why couldn't you have been a girl? Just why this time you couldn't you have just been a girl?" Little Josh had no idea what his big sister was saying. He just sat in the grass pulling green blades up to his little drool moistened lips.

Less than a year later, Heather Rose was born. It was a scary time. Halfway through the pregnancy the doctors found a blockage in her intestine. I was going every week to two weeks to have it checked out via ultrasound. The doctors wanted to watch to see if the mass would dissolve. Every time I went for the sonogram, the blockage was unchanged. Every blood test under the sun was taken. We were even told that she may have to be delivered around 26 weeks. It felt like I was listening to this long list of all the things that could be wrong with her but yet there were no definite answers.All the doctors kept saying, "We'll just have to wait and see."

In looking back I remember days that were more difficult than others. Sonogram days were the most trying as I would come home from the specialist's office with the same disheartening report, "The blockage is still there. It has not changed." I would come home in tears. However, I recall little messages that kept coming to me that she was going to be okay. One afternoon, I had arrived home from the doctor's appointment in tears. The kids and I ate lunch and we continued with our daily routine. A little later, there was a knock on the door. It was the UPS delivery man. He had delivered at least 6 boxes of baby clothes ranging from sizes newborn to 12 months!

The kids and I had a blast as we sorted through all the darling little girl outfits and shoes. And most of it was actually name brand clothes! Of course big sister Sara had the best time admiring the clothes for her soon to arrive baby sister! There was another time I had come home from another disappointing doctor's visit. Again the UPS deliverer had dropped off another 7 or 8 boxes of little girl clothing ranging from sizes 18 months to 4 toddler. The clothes were coming from some old friends who live in Indiana. They had kindly offered to give us the clothing. However, they always arrived on the most difficult days.It seemed like someone was setting up a childhood wardrobe for a little girl who was not yet born! Hmmmmm, could Someone be trying to tell me something?

During the pregnancy I even had several dreams about a little girl with a big smile. And I even had a dream of a young woman in her 20's with that same big smile. Needless to say, I could not help but look up and say, "God, you gotta be trying to tell us something here!" There are many other similar events that's happened all through the nine months of pregnancy of a God who speaks and comforts in times of fear and the unknown. By the time of Heather's arrival, I was assured that no matter the outcome, that God was in control.

Heather Rose was born healthy, pink,and whole. There was no disease or abnormality. She is a strong healthy little girl with the same smile I saw in my dreams. Now how can anyone say there is no God? How can we think that the Creator of this universe does not care and is not involved in every detail of our lives? Today, we celebrate little Heather and all the precious hugs and kisses she offers each day.But most of all, we celebrate a God who is real, powerful and loving! I can hardly write without mentioning Him. He is genuine and He loves to show up in times of trouble.

We have experienced our share loss in our lives, so we have not always had happy endings. However, I can say with confidence that when I look to the hills, there is a Helper and He is God. When we call upon Him, he comes running to shelter us in the storms of life. The message was in a little girl's wardrobe!

I LOOK UP TO THE MOUNTAINS.
DOES MY STRENGTH COME FROM THE MOUNTAINS?
NO, MY STRENGTH COMES FROM GOD,
WHO MADE HEAVEN AND EARTH AND MOUNTAINS.

HE WON'T LET YOU STUMBLE,
YOUR GUARDIAN GOD WON'T FALL ASLEEP.
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
ISRAEL'S GUARDIAN WILL NEVER DOZE OR SLEEP!

GOD IS YOUR GUARDIAN
RIGHT AT YOUR SIDE TO PROTECT YOU.
SHIELDING YOU FROM SUNSTROKE,
SHELTERING YOU FROM MOON STROKE! (WOW I LOVE THAT!)

GOD GUARDS YOU FROM EVERY EVIL,
HE GUARDS YOUR VERY LIFE.
HE GUARDS YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE
AND WHEN YOU RETURN.
HE GUARDS YOU NOW.
HE GUARDS YOU ALWAYS.

PSALM 121 THE MESSAGE BIBLE

What Cha Been Up to?

2009-07-21T08:57:00.001-07:00

It seems like when I call someone or write to someone I have not seen in a while, I ask this question, "What cha been up to?" I truly am interested in the details of other's lives. There are those people who like to have a one sided conversation where it is all about them. Sometimes this can be annoying. However, I try to steer away from being self focused in my relationships as well as my conversations and to be reminded that it is a lot more fulfilling to find out what others have been up to rather than ramble about myself and my life.

However, today I am going to list a few things I have been up to. If you are reading this, would you please take time to share a few things with me that you have been up to? I do not intend to get real personal here. However, I want to just share a few things that go on in the day of a life of a mom of many. Here goes.

1.Mothering. Of course this is a given. In all things and on all days I mother. Lately, I am stepping up on the delegation process as we have two babies on the way and a couple of the younger children are going to be promoted in the "chore" department. In the next few weeks, my 8 and 9 year old sons will learn the art of loading and unloading the dishwasher.

We have also been doing a lot of snuggling lately as it is monsoon season here. We are having heavy storms with intense lightening, thundering, and winds. So I have been cuddling little ones when they become timid. What a joy to snuggle these sweeties!

2. Brainstorming.I had to start a brainstorming notebook. There are always so many ideas going through my head. Some I may follow through with and actually do at some point. Some may fly right out the window. But it helps to jot these things down so my head will not be so jumbled.

3.School stuff. We home school some of our children, so I am gathering books, workbooks, chapter books, and school supplies. Lesson plans are in the works.

4. Christmas shopping. Starting early is a must. So I have made a list and doing online research for best prices. Also, I have started buying some of the gifts.

5. Writing. I write on my blogs and also on a site called Stage of Life.

6.. Art. I have been sketching. The latest sketches are templates for Christmas card collages. Hopefully I will complete some of these and have cards made from them.

7. Reading. Reading is one of my favorite pass times. Right now I am reading a fiction novel that is set in a little remote villa in Italy. I feel like I am almost there as the story is so descriptive of the landscapes, the vineyards, the culture and food. Wow, what a dream come true it would be to visit Italy!

Well, I am going to stop here. The list could go on. But I just wrote a few things that popped in my head. As you can tell everything mentioned is being done indoors! It is too hot here to go outside.

So until next time I ask, "So, what cha been up to?"

Take Care!

Ange

How Good it is to Remember

2009-07-17T09:15:00.000-07:00

We are on the countdown. In 25 days John and I will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. I cannot believe it. Last night we went out to dinner together and I could not help but notice his eyes...the same ones belonging to the man I grew to love over 25 years ago. It is good to remember and I am doing this now.

Life gets messy at times.
Life gets busy.
Life gets distorted
by rain clouds and thundering skies
and at times we grow weary.
But it is good to remember,
The way it was then.
For your eyes and heart are the same,
yet better.....
And your smile remains.
Could I ever thank the Lord enough
for blessing me this way?
For you have been a constant gift
And I my love for you
Stands strong today.
It is good to remember
So good to remember.

I will never forget the kindness of this man I met over 25 years ago. And his kindness and goodness has remained over the years. The photos above were taken in 1984 about 10 months after we met. I was in the May Court that year at college and he had come to watch and then escort me to the May Dance. I will always remember our first date. We shared a lasagna dinner for two and were so nervous we could not eat it all. Now we cannot share food...especially dessert. We fight over it. I like to take little bites and he takes big ones. So I get mad when he gets more than me.We laugh about it everytime we decide to order dessert to share.

Also on our first date, I remember when he came to my house to pick me up. We took a walk outside to the shore of the lake and he shared with me that his mother had died just 3 years ago when he was a Senior in High School. She died in her sleep. John and his Dad tried to wake her up the following morning but to no avail. I remember how I instantly bonded with his sweet and vulnerable spirit because of his willingness to share something so painful with me on our first date.

Wow, it really is good to remember. We both have changed in so many ways over the years. But this wonderful man is still a gentle and kind soul. I will be sharing more here over the coming days. I hope you will join me as I recall the past...the good and the bad and how God has continually showered our marriage with goodness..no matter the season.

Sometimes

2009-07-12T15:37:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life is just hard...and the day to day just hurts. I am grateful for so much. I really do believe I have a grateful heart. But sometimes I just get weary and wonder if anyone cares rather than just the role I play...as mom, cook, cleaner,wife,as one who will give, friend who will there with a listening ear. And it is usually a joy to be all these things. Sometimes I feel like no one cares about my heart. Cry me a river. Well today I am.

Sometimes you just fall into having pity parties and it is that kind of day for me. Stress is thick. Emotions are wild. Would anyone dare to admit such weakness and imperfection? Well, today I tell you that I admit it. Never will I pretend I am something I am not.

Now I go to my room to lay on my bed. Hopefully a nice little nap will help and things will look brighter when I awake...

Enjoy Yourself

2009-07-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

This past Thursday I decided to splurge just a little. No new clothes, no jewelry, or a visit to the spa. But artist candy!!! Yes. To me it is like chocolate to the artist's palate. This is one of my favorite magazines. The Artful Blogger. There are lovely photos and artwork with only a minimum amount of wording. I love to look at it for inspiration. Kind of makes my little girl side emerge.
This is another great publication I picked up. It is full of color and unique ideas using mixed media such as paper, paint, glue, fabric, and any other thing you might have laying around.
So I am learning to enjoy myself more and more. I heard someone say that not only does God love the world but He loves us individually. So since He loves me like that, then He must enjoy me too. So why not enjoy my own company doing something fun and relaxing? For you,it might be a nap, a cup of tea with your favorite cookie, a great novel, or a long walk in the woods.
And sketching is something that I discovered I can do only a few months ago. Since I often get wrapped up in deep thinking, this is a great way I can rest my mind and just simply enjoy my own company. And it is okay to do just that....even if I do have a busy life with many dust bunnies and active kiddies. I like myself more and more....and so should you!! Enjoy yourself!

How do spend time enjoying yourself...just yourself alone? I would love to read about how you treat yourself!

Oh and I forgot to mention. Many of you know that I love to write. You can check out some of my articles on www.stageoflife.com (link on right) Just click on the stages titled, Raising a Family,Having a Baby, Highschool, and Grandparents to read the recent essays. Also, you can join the site for free of charge. They have great discounts and coupons of various sorts. The Target coupon is a good one. Furthermore, you can post some of your own ideas and thoughts as well as ask a question for any stage of life you are in . Enjoy!

Love Revolution Needed! Part 1

2009-07-05T18:16:00.000-07:00

He Loves Me. He Loves Me Not. He Loves Me. He Loves Me Not. Over and Over. On and On it goes. He loves me, He told me so. Do I really believe it? I do not know!

If someone asked me, "Does Jesus love you?" I would not hesitate to reply with a seemingly confident yes. After all, the first song I ever learned to sing about Jesus proves it. "Jesus loves me. This I know. For the Bible tells me so." Yes, the Bible tells me so, but that does not mean I really am confident in that love. Here's why. Take this little evaluation and be honest with yourself.

1.Do I fear the unknown?
2.Do I fear being unknown?
3.Do I fear not having enough?
4.Do I fear getting caught?
5.Do I fear I will never find the right person to marry?
6 Do I fear debilitating or life-threatening diseases?
7.Do I fear for my children's safety?
8.Do I fear what other people think of me?
9.Do I fear they won't think of me at all?
10.Do I fear crime?
11.Do I fear losing a loved one?
12.Do I fear authority?
13.Do I fear I won't get the things I desire most?
14.Do I fear what others might do to me?
15.Do I fear rejection?
16.Do I fear failure?
17.Do I fear being taken advantage of?
18.Do I fear being alone?
19.Do I fear losing my job?
20. Do I fear people finding out that I am not all I claim to be?
21.Do I fear something bad might happen to me?
22.Do I fear not fitting in?
23 Do I fear death?
(Questions are taken from "He Loves Me" by Wayne Jacobsen)

If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, then there is more to learn of the true meaning of God's love. And honestly, I believe every human being always has more to grasp,more to learn and more growing to do.

When I was a little girl, I talked to God a lot. I had not been instructed in the lessons of salvation. I had not walked any church isle to the song of "Just as I Am" to make a public declaration. But I did recognize His presence in simple and subtle ways such as in the wind, on my bike rides, sitting by the lake as I watched sail boats pass...the list is endless.And I think He liked it that way!

However, when I was 29 years old and was pregnant with my 3rd child, I began to doubt that I knew Him. I was afraid that my salvation was not secured and that if I did not stand before a church and confess this in some way, I would go to hell. Thus, the fears I had were compounded. I fell into the hidden terror of meeting God's expectations of what He wanted me to do with my life. Consequently, the pattern of my actions led to more about the "doing" rather than the "being".

I feel that many of us live life this way. We want to please God, so we make these mental lists of "I ought to". Then we realize at some point we really do not have the energy to meet up to all these expectations and we end up disappointed in ourselves. And we think, "Well, if I am disappointed in me, then God is too."

Needless to say, I am at another marking point in my life where I am seeing that I have been so off and so wrong about God in many ways. I have misinterpreted His love for me. So I am on a quest with Him to discovering new depths of His love. There is always a deeper place to go with Him. I have so much to share about this. However, I am mostly adamant about a Love Revolution in my own heart.

We hear about the modern religious revolutions and the church revolution and the "this and that" revolutions. But there is no true and lasting revolution without it taking place within the internal landscape of my own being. If I do not truly and deeply know that God loves me. If I am on edge wondering if every bad thing that happens to me is because I am being punished by God, then I am in fear and my love is bound up. I find that I am tied up in a religion more than a relationship and I am limited in the amount of love I can give to God and others.

Yes, God is calling for a love revolution. However, we have to have a true grasp of what that really means. I have to ask myself, " Am I truly living and walking in the affection of God? Is my fear keeping me from the very thing God is after?" He does not care about my religion and my set of rules, He cares about setting me free so that I fully experience just how much He delights in me.

There will be more on this idea of a Love Revolution. For now, I leave you with this simple sonnet from my heart.

I love the wind.
A little girl in my simple yard by the river,
Cross-legged upon the grass on billowy days.

Drawn, inspired, beckoned to by something...No. Someone,
Orchestrating the wind, directing the gusts as rustling melodies.
The breezes kissed my cheeks,
Styled my hair, And I knew!

He was touching me, loving me,delighting in me.
It's just something a kid knows which goes beyond knowledge,
Uncomplicated, honest, pure and authentic.

Over and Over I find He is taking me back
To the childhood place of simple grace, where I recognize His face.
And I rediscover the depths of Love in the wind,
Again,
Again,
And again!

Freedom Thoughts-Grateful Yet Mindful

2009-07-04T08:35:00.000-07:00

LET FREEDOM RING AND LET IT RING THROUGH US!

Here we are. The Fourth of July has arrived once again and we have made our plans to celebrate. Happy Birthday America! We have much to give thanks for in our nation, our communities and individual lives. Last night I was reflecting on all the blessings contained in the day. It was a combination of a bunch of little things that just made the day wonderful. And I realize that it is because of the freedoms we have been granted that I was able to enjoy that kind of day. In the closing of a simple and peaceful day, I fell asleep talking to the Lord, listing out all the little gifts He bestowed, and thanking Him for all He did for me.

On the other hand, I awoke this morning with not only an attitude of gratefulness, but also a heavy heart of mindfulness. It is so easy to make special occasions about us and ours. And there is nothing wrong about it. However, when I saw in the news this morning that there are over 25,000 homeless school age children in the state of Arizona, I reminded that I cannot contain myself to me and mine. This tragedy is an 18% increase since just last year.

On the day that our country celebrates freedom, I am mindful that there are many who are having trouble celebrating the meaning of freedom day. The poverty stricken may not feel overly free, but bound up in the present circumstances.

Now I am not trying to rain on any one's parade. However, I personally cannot help this day to think of those who are hurting and suffering. The unemployment rate in the Phoenix area has continued to rise. Charity funds have dropped, therefore people are being turned away. And even churches are having a hard time assisting the needy because many of them are having trouble meeting their own overhead.

Yes, I am thankful and I will celebrate this day the freedom that I have been given. However, I will also lift those who live around me and contemplate the lives of others who may find it difficult to celebrate. Freedom was not granted in order to hoard. It was given that we may pay it forward. How can we share our freedom today that others who are downtrodden my have it too? It may just be a simple word of encouragement. Sit down and write a letter to a friend or loved one who is going through a tough time. Buy a gift for someone "just because". Invite someone you may not know very well into your home for a meal. Spend a few minutes with your family in prayer today for our President, his family and other governmental leaders. Share the gifts God has given you in creative ways. You never know...one gesture of kindness may break a thick chain and set someone free. May Freedom ring and may it ring though us!

2009-07-02T11:17:00.000-07:00

This sketch is on my art blog but I decided to put it here too. It is so profound to me and holds a message.

Sometimes when life gets really intense, I find that not only is God doing something great in those around me in spite of the hardship, but He is mostly doing something special in me. I think of the winds of life and the debris of the storm that can come at us unexpectedly. And the force of the wind can seemingly blow off all my covering to where I am vulnerable and exposed. But I know that I am hidden in Christ and that he hugs me tight in the pain. Sometimes He squeezes so hard that He brings to birth beautiful things. So, I think today, when the little ones are resting I will go to a quiet place and find out what He might squeeze out of me today. And....I look forward to creating something meaningful with my Heavenly DAD!

15 Weeks with Twins!

2009-07-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

Some of you have not seen me since we have moved. And some of you have been wondering, "How big is she getting?"

Well here ya go curious people. I am 15 weeks today! I feel and look like I am 5 months! But that is normal. I am happy, happy, happy and blessed, blessed, blessed!!

Upheld Within Rumbles and Jumbles

2009-06-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

There have been so many random thoughts and reflections stirring in my heart, in my spirit, in my mind. I am full...brimming over with contemplations so deep that I am afraid that my words cannot reach down and scoop up all that inhabits the depth of my meanderings in order to bring them out adequately. But it helps to at least try.

I love to laugh, make jokes, and just skip like a child. However, there is a seemingly bottomless part of my heart that so often dissects a thought or an idea until every organ of that notion is picked apart and laid out for inspection.
However, my favorite place to go is to the heart and mind of God. I guess it is because He is so real to me. I have watched Him do so many things in my short 44 years that I am convinced more each day that my life is not my own. He is constantly weaving His plan into the fabric of my own person and family.

Sometimes I feel like a paralyzed spectator in His activities as I watch His plans unfold. However, I know there is an ongoing beckoning of His heart to my own heart to be an active participant in all He is doing. So we work together...God and me. And I admit that sometimes I resist and act like a spoiled brat.....but He faithfully upholds me. He never discards or writes me off.

This past weekend has been very difficult for our family. There was no big tragedy. However, it was more like four or five little annoying and invisible chiwawas running around in our house nipping at our heels every few moments. Have you ever had days like that? One minute it is one thing, then before you know it feels like all of those little nippers are on you at once trying to pick away your strength and patience. Then it is almost as if the little hyperactive mongrels are chewing up your house until there is nothing but destruction that seemingly can never be cleaned up! No folks I am not referring to my children even though at times I look around at the physical jumbles of toys and teenage muddles of left over snacks and dirty laundry and I wonder. Hmmmm.

So before you make judgements that our home is just a disorderly agglomeration causing distress and chaos, let me elaborate. Yes, we are real people and we do not try to pretend that all is well all the time. It is not. However what I want to continually be reminded of is the delight of One who loves to show up in the midst of topsy-turviness. He is drawn to conflict because He is the one who has the answers. He is the master Problem Solver. And He loves to show up and constantly prove to His kids how loving He is.

Yes, I am often disappointed in myself. And honestly I am sometimes dismayed by the choices of my children and others around me. It is easy as a parent to become caught up in the wind of the moment and feel as though you are being tossed about in the gusts of stress, discouragement,and bewilderment. However, I know that the One who upholds us utilizes the wind of the chaotic moments to thrust us all closer to the end result of who He is making us and calling us to be. It is encouraging to know that God Almighty has set our end from our beginning and that this day, yesterday and last week are only portions of the journey in which He is leading us. I am not defined by what happened this past weekend. My family members as well as myself are all pieces of art not yet completed. And it is in this "knowing" that I can appreciate those masterpieces just as they are in the middle of the process.

And I am pulled up into new planes of perspective when He sets me on His right sturdy wing and gives me a view of what is to be. We look together upon the wider scope of life's map and He says, "See, this is what I am making that one to be. What you thought was the very demise of that child is the very thing I am cultivating for my glory. You must not make assumptions in the "now". You must make declarations of what will be and what they are becoming."

I am edified and enlightened to know that I am blessed when I struggle with seasons of chaos and disorder because I know that God is in it with me. He loves to dwell with me in my messes! And while onlookers may disdainfully exclaim, "Tisk Tisk Tisk...what a shame.", I soar though the wind on wings of grace which uphold me. And I can thrive in peace and rest knowing that He has the Last word of the novel... the last stroke of the artist brush, and the last phrase of the melody.

I dare to be so open with my life. I dare to be honest. But in this I encourage my own heart with added hopes that someone else too can be comforted by the same comfort I receive. Additionally, I am reminded that we are all in the fight together. Its just that our strategies are not all the same. And our God loves a good fist fight, boxing match,and shoot out because He loves to disarm that which would try to destroy, devour or even nip at His kids. Our battle is not against flesh. It is not our husbands, our children, our bosses, neighbors, or friends. It is the invisible chiwawas and ravenous wolves that attempt to rip our hearts apart.

However, we are being fought for and we all know the ending. The journey is not over. And we know that our Father can be counted on to see us through and to uphold us when the journey becomes rough and the path becomes distorted.

Finally, we can relax in the understanding that we can be excited and joyful about this journey as we face the challenges that are inevitable. And I leave my little blogging room with this quote:

"IT IS GOOD TO HAVE AN END TO JOURNEY TOWARDS; BUT IT IS THE JOURNEY THAT MATTERS IN THE END." Ursula K.Le Guin